


We All Want to Be the Hero

by Kewlmint34



Category: Iron Man (Movies), Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Abuse of Authority, Character Development, Dark, Dom/sub Undertones, Emotional Manipulation, First Time, I'm Going to Hell, M/M, Masturbation, Mildly Dubious Consent, Mutual Pining, Non-Consensual Voyeurism, Plot, Power Dynamics, Praise Kink, Sad Ending, Slow Burn, Tony Stark Has Issues, Underage Sex, Why Did I Write This?, purely because Peter is underage so his consent is questionable
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-11
Updated: 2017-10-01
Packaged: 2018-12-01 00:20:06
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 13
Words: 30,856
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11474670
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kewlmint34/pseuds/Kewlmint34
Summary: "We're all given a title. Sometimes we're called hero, villain, victim, anything. My point is, I got lost in my title as the hero...and I allowed myself to make mistakes that would ultimately turn me into the worst villain of them all."





	1. The Beginning Of The End

**Author's Note:**

> So, I was originally conflicted about writing this fic, given that there would be an underage character involved with an adult but, I decided that fiction is about telling a story, and stories are not always nice, happy, or right. So prepare yourself for a very dark fic. If an emotionally manipulative relationship triggers/make you very uncomfortable then this is definitely not the fic for you. This fic is more of an exercise in character development and to see what I can do with that. Also after the first or second chapter, there will be major plot divergence from the cannon films so hold on to your hats. Regardless, I hope you enjoy seeing my vision unfold. <3

This is where we begin.  
  
Peter walked home from school, enjoying the cool Autumn day. He was listening to some music that his friend Ned suggested...honestly he thought it was crap but it was better than the too loud hustle and bustle of New York. He looked at the cracks in the sidewalk that he had memorized and examined the familiar and unfamiliar faces as they emerged from the small shops nearby. When he reached the front of his apartment building everything had been normal except for the fancy car that was way out of budget for anyone living in this neighborhood.  
  
*Hm...visitors maybe?* He thought to himself as he opened the door and bounded up the stairs. He always climbed 3 steps at a time just because he knew he could. He wiggled the key around in the lock and almost became frustrated at how difficult it had always been. He opened the door and set his backpack down as he prepared to raid the fridge of anything that was edible.  
  
"Hey, May." He called out as he pulled some books out of his backpack.  
"Hey, how was school today?" May asked, almost too casually.  
"Fine, there's this crazy car parked outside rig--" He was cut off by the sound of his own mind exploding. There, in front of him, in his apartment, sitting on his couch, was Tony Stark... _Iron Man_. He heard Mr. Stark say something but it just came out as a blur behind the sound of all his thoughts...or maybe that was because of his earbuds. He ripped the earbuds out and tried to stand in a way that didn't make him look stupid. He tried to introduce himself but it came out as a few stutters and a few words instead  
  
"What- What are you doing? Hey! Uh, I'm-I'm-I'm Peter."  
  
"Tony." Mr. Stark responded flatly with a faint smile. Peter took a moment to acknowledge this as the first time Iron Man spoke to him and then attempted to get on with life.  He asked why Mr. Stark was there and was even more confused when he found out, through pieces of conversation between Aunt May and Mr. Stark, that he had gotten a grant? Even though he had been participating in the conversation the whole time, he didn't truly tune in until Mr. Stark asked if he could speak with him alone. Peter's mind raced a million miles a second as he weakly led the way into his bedroom. His heart stopped in time with the sound of the lock clicking behind Mr. Stark. Tony asked a few question about some stuff Peter had lying around his room. He tried to regulate his breathing but this failed when Mr. Stark pulled out a video of him in the Spiderman suit.  
  
"That's you, right?" Tony asked with a hint of accusation in his tone. While Peter tried to figure out whether this was the best or worst day of his life he simply replied.  
"Um, no. What do you-What do you mean?" Before Peter could blink, Mr. Stark had questioned him, he was explained why he was Spiderman, Tony's hand was on his shoulder, and then he was asked to come to Germany.  Just like that, meeting one of the most important people in his life began and ended so quickly.    
That night Peter stared up at the ceiling thinking about everything that was going to happen in the next week. His mind swirled around Germany, the Avengers, and mostly Mr. Stark. Peter couldn't begin to understand why Tony even wanted him there.  
  
*Why me? Isn't there someone else who deserves this more?" He thought to himself. *Who am I kidding this is the best thing that's ever happened of course I want it to be me....wow...I met Iron Man. He's exactly how I thought he would be and more. He looks just like he does on TV too...* Peter's hand's tightened in his bedsheet's as excitement coursed through him. He felt the same way a two-year-old feels when they're offered candy, but it was also deliciously different. He bit his lip as he tried to reign in the fact that he met, and was going to be working with, his idol. Eventually, sleep took him far way from the excitement and new feelings, but the next morning was even crazier.  
  
Peter was picked up from his apartment, flown to Germany on the fanciest plane he had ever seen, (Who was he kidding, the only plane he had ever seen.) brought to a huge hotel room, and on the bed...there it was, the suit... _the_ suit. *Mr. Stark made this...for me?* For once Peter was speechless as he held up the Spiderman suit and marveled at everything about it.  He was overwhelmed with the feeling of everything. Peter had decided to call what he had been experiencing in the past few days "everything" since there wasn't a singular feeling strong enough to describe how he felt. *I have to prove to Mr. Stark that I deserve this...I can't let him down tomorrow...or ever.*  
  
Sure enough, in the battle that ensued at the airport the next day, Peter got hurt, Tony got concerned, and Peter felt like he had let him down. The next few days were quiet and too normal for Peter's taste. Tony didn't contact him and he really had no clue what was going on. He felt lost in the feeling of everything. He texted the man that Tony had assigned to watch over Peter, his name was Happy apparently.  
  
-Hey, this is Peter Parker. Just checking to see if everything is ok. I'm here if you need me for any more missions soon.  
  
The little sound the text made after Peter sent it made him freak out more than he anticipated. *What the hell is wrong with you?* Peter asked while holding his head in his hands. *He's busy! He doesn't have time for a random 15-year-old bugging him for missions....God.* Peter laid his whole torso on the counter and took a deep breath. Peter would later want to die for allowing himself to have this thought but he considered, *Maybe...just maybe, Mr. Stark does care about me?*  
  
  
Meanwhile, Tony was absolutely distraught. The few days that had felt like normal silence to Peter, had been a hectic hell for Tony. His friend was injured from the waist down, his best friend was a fugitive, half of the team he normally worked with were in jail for Christ's sake! As if Tony wasn't already on the verge of shattering, he had just found out that instead of a tragic car accident that happened years ago, his parents had actually been murdered...and the whole time Steve knew. Steve knew... Tony ran his hands through his hair as he sat in his kitchen. He listened to the loud sound of complete silence ring through his apartment. He felt too much and nothing at all. The taste of betrayal was too strong on his tongue so he decided to replace it with something else. He rose from the table and shakily poured himself a glass of whiskey. Tony had stopped noting a long time ago that he was drinking before lunchtime. This was because drinking before lunchtime became more and more necessary as life went on. His despair was interrupted by his phone ringing on the counter. Tony briefly considered letting it ring, but then he thought about the silence he would be left in once it stopped. He hesitantly answered.  
  
"Hello?" He said pulling himself together enough to speak.  
  
"Mr. Stark? This is Happy, I just received a text from Mr. Parker asking about new missions. I know you weren't planning on contacting him after Germany so should I tell him th--" Tony cut Happy of mid sentence.  
  
"No, don't do anything just-I just...I'll handle it Happy, thanks." Tony didn't wait for a response before he hung up. He scrolled through his contacts until he saw Peter's. He stared at the call button for a while thinking of how he could let Peter down gently. He had left the suit with him but he didn't expect for Peter to actually take him up on the missions he briefly mentioned. Tony didn't actually want to dismiss the kid, somehow, even though he's only really known him for a week, Tony felt responsible for him. Tony mentally laughed at his urge to take care of Peter every time it came up. He's never been the fatherly type and yet he found himself playing the role of the overprotective dad...but somehow, it felt different than he expected. Before he could talk himself out of it, he called to tell Peter the harsh truth. The phone only rang once before Peter answered. His voice dripped with the excitement and awe that he always tried to cover up when he was around Tony. He didn't want to admit it but that stroked his ego in a way that he craved. As Peter stumbled over his greeting, a pang of guilt struck Tony's soul.  
  
"Hello, Mr. Parker," Tony replied, faking a smile in his voice.  
  
"Hey, hey so I'm really sorry for bothering you and I know that you must be busy after everything that happened in Germany but I just really wanted to know what's going on with those missions you were talking about giving me?" Peter paused only to breathe, "But if you're too busy for that right now I totally understand I mean you must have so much going on every day with the Avengers and stuff." Tony internally cringed when Peter mentioned the Avengers, because what was the Avengers anymore? "Also I saw some weird stuff on the TV about you and the Avengers and I don't really get it but-" Tony finally cut in because he was certain, if left to his own devices, that Peter could talk forever.  
  
"Peter..." Tony said in a deeper more serious tone.  
  
"Yeah?" Peter replied with such innocence and expectation that Tony could feel his logic faltering. Everything about this kid was so... _perfect_ and naive compared to the world that he was already involved in. Tony didn't want to see that innocence die...so he wondered why, when he opened his mouth to speak again, he said,  
  
"I want you to come work with me." Call it a moment of weakness, a slip of the tongue, a mistake, but Tony was having a hard time regretting it. A silence was exchanged for a few seconds as Peter processed what Tony had just said.  
  
"I-I don't know wh- yes! I-of course I'll work with you, I'll probably be a distraction but yes! Is this like-" Tony interrupted Peter so that he could stop the line of questions he could feel coming.  
  
"Great, well then I'll send a car to pick you up after School on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays. I can start by teaching you how I made your suit and we'll work from there. Call it an internship, if you will."  
  
"Oh my god thank you so much Mr. Stark! This is amazing! I'm on the way to class now so I can't talk but thank you so much Mr. Stark!" Tony wasn't sure why but he felt his heart flutter whenever Peter called him Mr. Stark. Sure he had tons of reporters, staff, and women that called him Mr. Stark all day, but this felt different in a way that he couldn't explain.  
  
"Alright, bye then." Tony hung up and immediately Chastised himself. *God damnit...* He thought as a took a big gulp of his whiskey. Tony didn't even know why he offered to mentor this boy in the first place. He decided that at least he would have a pleasant distraction from the other bullshit happening in his life. Again caught himself making a mistake that he didn't even regret. Maybe he was too lonely, maybe he was too needy, but somehow when he looked at Peter looking back up at him in awe, he experienced something he could only describe as the closest thing to happiness he's felt in a long time.  
  



	2. And Now We Fall In Deeper

It was Wednesday morning, or as Peter had been referring to it, "The start of my life." That school day crawled by at an agonizing pace. Peter bounced his leg in every class, twirled his pen during study time, and played with the unsatisfactory food at lunch. He only had told Aunt May and Ned about the internship so far. Aunt May wasn't too enthused about it, mostly because she insisted that it would interfere with his education, but what did she know. Ned was practically falling off his seat when Peter broke the news. He simply requested a highly detailed description of what happened each day so that he could keep up to speed...In retrospect, maybe that wasn't a simple request but Ned presented it so casually that Peter couldn't refuse.  
  
Peter thought that everyone had been looking at this opportunity from the wrong perspective. Sure, he would learn a lot, sure he might get to see some of the crazy cool tech that Mr. Stark worked with every day, but that wasn't even the part Peter was looking forward to the most. What Peter was really excited for, was to get an inside look at his mentor and aspiration, Tony Stark. He was going to be in the man's house for Christ's sake! He was going to get to see what kind of furniture he sat on, what kind of water he drank, (Because Peter suspected he drank some type of water that came in a fancy bottle) what kind of clothes he wore casually...Peter felt a little creepy after admitting to himself what he really was interested in...but screw it.    
  
School could  _not_ have ended any slower and he was finally pushing through the crowd and out the door when he saw a few girls ogling over a suspicious black car pulled outside the front of the school. Peter carefully walked around the back of the car until his face appeared in the side mirror. The door popped open and Happy stepped out, greeting Peter with a half genuine smile.  
"Mr. Parker!" Happy exclaimed, to the  _entire_ world.  
  
"Shhhhh! Keep your voice down, I don't want the whole school knowing I'm getting into the freaking weird black car with tinted windows...Doesn't Mr. Stark have anything...I dunno, more...low profile?" Peter nervously ruffled the back of his hair as he glanced around, catching a few more skeptical looks.  
  
"I'll have to inform Mr. Stark to lower the budget for cars...Get in." Happy didn't wait for Peter's response before he got into the driver's seat. Peter shuffled awkwardly into the back seat and let his backpack fall off to the side. He began giving himself the mental pep-talk he required before he did anything this exciting. *Ok Peter...You're gonna go in there, Mr. Stark is going to think you're amazing! You're not gonna do anything stupid just...keep your mouth shut and don't break anything... _oh God don't break anything_...* Maybe in reality he was talking himself up for twenty minutes but it sure did feel like it had only been two. He took a deep breath as the car approached the Stark Tower. Happy escorted him through the front door, up a few floors until eventually, they reached a part of the tower that actually resembled someone's home.  
  
"Ok head up those stairs there and go in the first door on your left. Mr. Stark should be in that room." Peter began to panic and was about to ask Happy if he could just take him all the way there but the older man was already headed back to the elevator. Peter descended down the hallway closer to the flight of stairs as he examined the walls and the view of the city through wide windows, almost as wide as his eyes. He skipped up the stairs, three at a time purely out of habit. He approached the first door on the left that had no handle or door knob. Peter looked around for a push/pull sign but finally noticed a small button located to the right of the door frame. He wiped his sweaty palms on his jeans and went to push the button. Before he could actually press anything the doors glided open. Peter nervously wandered in and assumed he was in the wrong room when a loud voice interrupted his thoughts.  
  
"Peter!" Tony called as he came down a set of stairs. "How was the drive here? Did Happy bother you too much?"  
  
"Mr. Stark! No-I, it was great, the ride was great, are you-How are you?"  
  
"Hunky dory," Tony sarcastically stated as he walked over to a large portion of the room which Peter was now registering as the kitchen. He opened a small fridge which contained at least 2 types of water Peter had never heard of. *I knew it...* Peter silently claimed his victory as he attempted to read the foreign print on the bottles. "Water?" Tony offered as he waived a glass around. Peter simply nodded in a response as he took a seat in one of the stools at the counter. Tony handed him a full cup before sitting on the stool directly in front of Peter. He nervously took a big gulp of water as he averted his eye's from Mr. Stark's. Looking directly at him made Peter nervous in a way that he was too embarrassed to admit out loud. "So any questions before we start getting down to the important stuff?"  
  
"No...I-I mean kinda, y'know...I had always assumed it would be a lot harder to get into the Stark Tower...Not that it was too easy-I mean it was b-but that's not-" Tony smirked in response to the boy's common jittery nature, which I'm sure to some people could be pretty irritating but Tony found it charming somehow.  
  
"Facial recognition security. I already have Happy and you set for almost full clearance in this building so no worries about that. It's all very complicated and boring." Peter simply managed a nod in response while he noted that he never even seen a camera anywhere in the building. He would have asked about that but he remembered the part in his pep-talk where he was supposed to keep his mouth shut. Tony was currently looking out the window so Peter took this time to examine his facial details, his beard was trimmed precisely, his casual clothes were still ten times fancier that anything Peter owned, his hair was perfectly placed and Peter didn't have to touch it to know that it was the softest thing he had ever felt. Despite the fact that Mr. Stark was 46 he still looked surprisingly youthful. Unfortunately, there was a too-long silence that Peter's inner voice suddenly itched to fill.  
  
"Mr. Stark if you don't mind me asking, but...what happened after Germany?" Peter's eyes finally met with Tony's. Normally Peter felt paper thin whenever Mr. Stark looked at him, like he was giving away his deepest darkest secret just by blinking, but this time he felt a deep sadness that he didn't understand.  
  
"Well..." Tony struggled for words which Peter was not used to seeing him do. "Some people are good and some people are bad but after Germany, that got a little complicated. I..." Tony paused and looked down in a way that made Peter guilty for even asking. "I lost some friends and I gained some enemies. The Avengers aren't what they used to be kid. When you're older you'll understand that being the hero isn't always as grand as they make it seem..." Tony reflected on the better days of the Avengers, the better days of his friendship with Steve. He would give anything for everything to stop being so goddamned complicated and just be simple and stupid like he was in his younger days. There was a long sullen pause before Tony changed back into his usual chill witty tone. "But, that's exactly why you're here Peter! You're going to be better, and I'm going to help you get there." That  _was_ the exact reason Peter was there, but Tony still felt like he was lying through his teeth. Peter stood up, he didn't know why but sitting didn't feel right anymore.  
  
"I'm sorry Mr. St-" Peter felt his life slip out of his sweaty hands...No wait...that was the glass he had been holding. He almost caught it but gravity was just a touch faster than him this time. He heard the crisp sound of shattering against the tiled floor. *Fantastic...* Peter thought, *I've only been here for five minutes and I've already broken both of my rules...*  
  
"Oh my God Mr. Stark I'm so sorry I could get you another one if you want I mean-I don't know how much it was but it doesn't matter. I-I can clean it up right away,  y-you can throw me out if you want I don-"  
  
"No problem," Tony waved a casual hand through the air. "I mean it was a rare glass from Wakanda, but whatever. Easily replaceable." Peter didn't know if he should feel worse about breaking a rare glass or impressed that Tony could get another one so easily. A small robot wheeled in and opened up a tray that it swept the shards into. "Come, Peter, let's analyze that suit of your's." Tony placed a hand on Peter's shoulder as he guided him up the stairs. As they walked further he let his hand slide lower to Peter's shoulder blades. He could feel the tighter muscles hidden underneath there. He briefly thought back to when he was a teenager and had energy and muscles for days. He decided to break the contact that he had been enjoying a tad too much and replaced it with meaningless conversation.  
  
Whenever Mr. Stark touched him Peter felt like the rest of his body no longer existed. He could only feel Mr. Stark's hand on his shoulder and the way it left a sensational trail of heat as it slid down to his middle back. Peter dismissed his strange thought's about Mr. Stark on an hourly basis. He decided most of those thoughts were due to his constant awkward state, and the fact that his senses had been dialed up to eleven after the spider bite. When they finally reached the top of the stairs Tony stopped in front of another set of doors. "Peter, I want you to take all the work we do here very seriously," Mr. Stark's voice dipped into a more serious tone that sent shivers up and down Peter's body. "Pay close attention because someday if you find yourself still wanting to be in the 'hero industry' you could end up in the same position as me...Do you understand?" Peter found himself being held in the direct gaze of Mr. Stark. The mixture of his stern tone and his piercing stare made him want to melt into a warm puddle. Tony's gaze only faltered once as he watched Peter enticingly bite his lip before he averted his gaze back to the boy's eye's. After a few fleeting seconds, accompanied by the sound of his heart beating frantically, Peter managed a faint and breathy,  
  
" _Yes_..."  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, so I hope you enjoyed that chapter! And prepare yourself for some really...interesting...stuff in the 3rd or 4th chapter. Anyways, I'll be updating again pretty soon because I'm having a lot of fun writing this rn. <3


	3. Self Acceptance, Self Enabling

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I said this fic would be dark and we have finally reached the tip of my screwed up iceberg. It can only go downhill from here...anywaaaays come fall into sin with me...I hope you like this chapter! <3

Peter was sitting at home on a Thursday afternoon working on some homework...well really, if you watched him for more than five minutes you would realize that he had actually been daydreaming and occasionally glancing at his homework. Peter had been more than a little distracted recently, he had been working with Tony for a few weeks now and that took up a majority of his attention span. Aunt May was still out working but she would be back in an hour or two. Peter tossed his homework papers onto a coffee table and laid face up on the couch. He stared at the ceiling thinking for a long time. He thought mostly about what went on every week at the Stark Tower. Now, Peter had learned to dismiss this as insignificant by now, but there were some things that Mr. Stark did that made Peter feel...different. He didn't quite know how to explain it, and the moments were so small that he often thought he had been over reacting. Like whenever Mr. Stark had to show him to a different place in the mansion, he would always guide him with a hand on his back. Or, when Peter caught on to a new idea quickly Mr. Stark would always have plenty of praise for him. It was how when Peter didn't know how to hold something, or stand, or arrange wires, Mr. Stark would always teach him with the most hands on approach as possible.  
  
Peter was uncertain about what was more peculiar, the way Mr. Stark acted around him...or the way he enjoyed all of it. He often found himself asking where certain rooms were just so Mr. Stark would have an excuse to take him there, He would do his best to impress Mr. Stark so that he could hear him say, "Wow...That's actually really great kid, keep it up!" He would occasionally double check that he was in the right position so Mr. Stark would have to rearrange him slightly...and God...whenever Mr. Stark called him _kid_...Peter didn't know what to think of that, but he did know what he felt, and that was his heart beating faster, the air getting thinner, and shivers running through him. All he knew was that he wanted more...more of everything. That was all Peter was willing to accept, that he wanted more. MJ liked to tease him on occasions, insisting that he had a crush on Mr. Stark, that accusation always made him noticeably uncomfortable which is the reason she continued to do it. But at this very moment, the one thing he couldn't get out of his mind was the conversation he had with Mr. Stark just the day before. He remembered vividly that he had been working on changing some minor settings for scanners in his suit when he mentioned MJ. Mr. Stark seemed interested and said,  
  
"Ooooh? MJ? Is this a girl at school you're interested in?" Peter found himself immediately defensive at this question.  
  
"Of course not!" He responded like it was the most obvious thing in the world. Tony threw up his hands in a comical surrender.  
  
"Sorry, sorry, I just assumed that you might be into someone...are you into any girls right now?" Peter felt himself blush at the question even though the answer was no.  
  
"Heh..um, n-no not really..." Tony sat in silence for a moment before carefully adding,  
  
"...Any guys?" The rosy color on Peter's cheeks deepened more than a few shades as he met eyes with Mr. Stark. He knew that he was supposed to say no but for some reason, he couldn't say it...Why couldn't he say it? He began to feel like a deer in headlights as his mouth fell slightly open, like maybe the answer would drift onto his tongue. Mr. Stark blinked a few times in realization before he stated,  
  
"You know what, this conversation is inappropriate!" Tony chuckled faintly to lighten the mood, "I'm supposed to be teaching you how to work on those sensors, not quizzing you about your high school crushes." After that comment, Mr. Stark moved on like nothing had ever happened. Peter envied his ability to be so suave about everything. Everything Mr. Stark did was done with such confidence and sophistication...he was perfect. When Mr. Stark exhaled he did it gracefully. But here Peter was, thinking about that conversation over and over. He asked himself every day after that, *Why couldn't I answer?* The next Monday when he went to work with Mr. Stark he was still asking himself, *Why couldn't I answer?*  
  
Tony knew why Peter couldn't answer. Tony knew it all too well. That look Peter had given him after he asked, the look of panic, mixed with surprise, and an itch for something that he didn't fully understand. Those were all the things Tony had felt the first time someone had accused him of liking a boy. At that time, he wasn't much younger than Peter. All he did was sit there and stare, he never answered the person. If he remembered correctly, someone stepped in and said, "Of course not! You remember his crush on that girl from Wisconson?" And they all assumed that he was never interested in the boy because he never answered the question with, "Yes" But he never did say no. Years later after he was much more comfortable with his...everything, he realized that the answer really had been yes. Tony was more than willing to admit that he enjoyed sharing his sexual experiences with a man just as much as any women. But he was 47 and he didn't feel the need to justify his bisexuality to the whole world. Besides, it was already general knowledge that Tony wasn't exactly  _just_ a ladies man.  
  
Even though Tony played it as spontaneous, he had carefully planned that conversation with Peter for some time now. Even though Peter prided himself on his ability to hide his undefined feeling for Mr. Stark, Tony was not being fooled by any of it. Tony felt the way he leaned into his touches, he noticed the way the kid's eyes would light up when he praised him, he knew that Peter was fully aware when he was holding something incorrectly. Pepper had been around for a few of their lessons and even she said later one night, "Someone has a crush on their teacher!" She giggled as she said it and Tony originally scoffed at the statement before it dawned on him that she was right. Tony acknowledged that it was innocent and very normal for a kid to like someone older, but he didn't like to acknowledge the fact that some dark, unexplored part of himself enjoyed it. He couldn't bring himself to admit that he liked watching Peter swallow hard when he lays a hand on his back or speaks in a deep demanding voice. Even though, on Peter's half, everything was innocent and normal, Tony knew that he could not say the same for himself. He told himself that he wouldn't actually want to do anything with the very naive, very underage boy...but  _goddamn_...every time Peter bit his lip, Tony briefly second guessed himself. Tony knew better than to get himself into any trouble though, and Peter had trouble written all over him. When his better logic told him otherwise, Tony dismissed it as a slip of the mind, a distant fantasy if you will. Besides, even though Tony knew exactly how Peter felt, Peter didn't know himself, which meant that Tony had to be an example, he had to play the responsible, reliable role yet again. The role that he was quickly growing tired of.  
  
And so the two of them continued, both feeling something very deeply but refusing to come to terms with any of it. For a little longer this was perfectly acceptable, until one evening when it suddenly wasn't. Peter was reading a small report that Tony had written in the past, going over some of the features of advanced AI programming when he asked a question, which led to a conversation, which led to Tony telling a joke, which led to Peter laughing hysterically. Tony watched the boy as he laughed, which was something he didn't have the pleasure of seeing too often. Most of the time Peter only had nervous chuckles or awkward smiles and the occasional brief chuckle at Tony's sarcastic remarks. There was a casual vibe to the conversation which happened very rarely. Peter thought this would be a good time to ask Mr. Stark a question that had recently been weighing on him. "Mr. Stark?" Peter paused for a long while trying to find the right phrasing for his question, "How are you always so...confident? You make everything look so easy, working on stuff in the lab, talking to news reporters, talking to girls...I was just wondering how you do it?" Tony paused a moment to take in the question.  
  
"Well," He took a deep breath and leaned back in his seat, "I think it's because I learned a long time ago that you'll never have what you want unless you go out and get it yourself." Peter soaked up the knowledge with a vacant look in his eyes. "Why do you ask? Planning on impressing someone that has a crush on you?" Tony smirked at his own tease.  
  
"Naah," Peter said turning his eyes back to the paper, "No one is into me like that at school. I mean there was this one time that someone left me notes at my locker in 8th grade but that turned out to be a prank that some guy from the football team was playing." Tony chuckled at the true childishness of 8th grade. "Although I don't really care, cuz it's not like I'm into anyone at my school anyways..." Tony sat for a moment contemplating Peter's words.  
  
"Well, I think that someone there must like you," Tony said as he sat up and walked around the table to Peter, rearranging some electrical parts on the way. Peter looked at him with a questioning stare, "I just find it hard to believe that no one there has noticed how attractive you are." This brought on a silence that was more uncomfortable for Tony than anything he had done in a long time. It was uncomfortable because of how good it felt to say it. It was uncomfortable how he reveled in the doe-eyed, needy stare Peter was now giving him. He didn't know why he thought it would be ok to say that...especially to the kid who clearly idolized him. He noted this as the third mistake he's made with this kid. He calmly waited for the guilt to come crashing in but once again, it failed to make an appearance. Not only did the guilt not come, but it was entirely replaced by a dark need to taste more of Peter's innocence.  
  
 The silence said everything that they each wanted to hear. It was a moment where each of them accepted something that would be their downfall, they each stared at each other with an unspoken and passionate need. But then, they both moved on, they said nothing else about it, they acted like no words had been spoken. They both had just realized a secret about themselves that they could never tell the other. Peter's secret was that in that moment, he had the awakening to his first intensely lustful thought about Mr. Stark, it was the first time he looked at Mr. Stark and a real desire for the man coursed through him like it had replaced the blood in his veins. Tony's secret was how that moment had been the nail in his coffin, the thing that tipped him over the edge from mentor and hero, to predator and sinner. Tony didn't know when he let himself admit it, he didn't know why he craved it...but he knew that for once, he was going to be the villain in this story.  
  



	4. Tempting Fantasies

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh boooooy.....that's all I have to say... <3

Peter was in the back of the signature black car that Happy continued to drive him around in. It had been no more than 10 minutes since he left the Stark Tower...since he left that moment behind with Mr. Stark. The moment that Tony had said, "I just find it hard to believe that no one there has noticed how attractive you are." The words echoed through his whole body. In that moment, Peter had swallowed hard, looked up at Mr. Stark and felt a thirst inside himself. His heart raced, his palms sweat, but all he did in response was carry on his work. Even though he was now sitting in the back of a dimly lit car, Peter was still sure that was the smartest thing to do. He wasn't just sure, he  _knew_ that was the smartest thing. His leg bounced impatiently as they drove under street lights and tall buildings, quickly exiting the fancy part of town. Peter already had it made up in his mind that Mr. Stark meant those words in a purely platonic way. He was just trying to talk him up or whatever, that's what guys like him did. That's exactly why Peter felt so dirty right now. Peter felt dirty thinking about what it would be like if Mr. Stark's fingers teased at the edge of his jeans, if Mr. Stark pulled them down gently and ran a hand up the inside of his thigh, if he felt the scratch facial hair against his stomach as Mr. Stark kissed down to-- Peter pushed away the thought as he exhaled and his knee bounced faster. If he hadn't shut down his thought he probably would have gotten hard right there in the car, less than 6ft away from Happy who was going _under_ the speed limit. Even though Happy had no idea what was going on Peter felt like he was doing this just to spite him. Peter bit his lip in frustration. He knew that he could be home faster if Mr. Stark hadn't insisted on a car taking him home at night and just let him take the rooftops back to his apartment like he used to.    
  
An eternity later, they finally rolled up in front of his apartment building. He dashed out of the car, up the steps 3 at a time, violently unlocked the door, and shut it too hard behind him. He leaned back against the door frame taking, what felt like, the first real breath of air in 30 minutes. He realized that he didn't even say goodbye to Happy, although Peter recalled that he usually didn't say anything back anyways.   
  
"Aunt May?" Peter called out lightly, "Aunt Maay?" he called again, dragging out her name a little to assure himself that she was indeed gone. She told him that she would be working late tonight. How late? Well, that she failed to mention. He laid his backpack down and shuffled into his room. He plopped down on his bed and felt the springs creak beneath his weight. His face was in his pillow as he let out a very frustrated groan. *God Peter...* He thought to himself, *What the hell is wrong with you.* Images of Mr. Stark from earlier flashed through his brain as he mentally reprimanded himself. He didn't even know where they came from. Of course, he always admired Mr. Stark more than anyone, but he never pictured him in that way...until he did...until he liked it. Peter decided, a little dramatically, that this was the worst thing ever and that he could never let anyone know. Not Ned, not Aunt May,  _definitely_ not Mr. Stark. Peter shuttered at the thought of Mr. Stark finding out his dirty secret. It was too much, the realization of his feeling for Mr. Stark, the shame following those feelings, the long car ride home, the weight of all his thoughts.

Everything was too much and Peter didn't know what to do with himself. Normally thinking about Mr. Stark would keep him grounded but this time it made everything worse. This time he thought about Mr. Starks hand on his back, and how warm it felt above 2 layers of clothes. He thought about the low voice that shook through him whenever Mr. Stark got serious. Despite all his better judgment, Peter couldn't stop himself from falling further into his fantasy. He wondered what it would feel like if Mr. Stark whispered in his ear, telling him how good he was being. What would it be like if he felt hot air on his neck before gentle kisses sent the blood rushing through his body? Peter's hips involuntarily pressed into the mattress, the springs echoing the sound of his sins back to his ear as he felt the friction of his jeans against his growing issue. He thought about Mr. Starks hands sliding up his shirt, feeling every inch of him. This time he bucked into the mattress harder, now making an active decision to see this fantasy through. He unbuttoned his jeans and slid a hand down his boxers, imagining it was Mr. Stark instead. He let out a shaky breath as he grasped his cock and gave a few slow gentle strokes. He imagined Mr. Stark behind him, pressed against his back, making the mattress creak louder under the weight of two bodies. His already too hot room being warmed up by the sound of Mr. Starks low voice. He rocked into his hand faster as he let out a silent whimper in the back of his throat. His body screamed for Mr. Stark to touch him, he wanted Mr. Starks tongue against his neck, to feel the man's hand down his pants the other pulling his hair until it hurt just a little. Peter's hand's fisted in the sheets, the sounds of the springs now coming closer together as he picked up the pace and tightened his hand around his cock. He continued thinking about his earlier fantasy he had in the car. Mr. Stark kissing along his waist before taking the head of Peter's cock into his mouth. Peter let out a moan into his pillow, nearly hurting his hand with how hard he was gripping the bed. He pictured Mr. Starks lips closing around him as he lost himself in the warm heat of his mouth. He wondered what it would be like to watch his cock disappear between the lips that only ever spoke perfection. He could barely fathom what it would feel like to have someone's mouth on him, let alone Mr. Stark's. Peter was now letting out a small wine every time he thrust into his hand. Heat was building up inside him frantically looking for a release. All his thoughts blurred together as he let out a louder cry followed by the pleading sound of him moaning, " _Mr. Stark_..." He came in his own hand, fist tensing in the sheets, gripping for something to steady him in his pleasure. His mouth fell open and his eyes fluttered, an obscene picture of him grinding into his hand as the mattress squeaked and he let out small, slightly feminine sounding, noises. His rhythm stuttered as his muscles tensed in waves. He took deep shaky breaths of the thick air as he came down from his temporary high. He settled, the emotional and physical exhaustion of his orgasm and the whole day catching up to him. Peter contemplated how he could feel so guilty and so satisfied all at once. His satisfaction would only be fleeting and way too temporary of course, especially when he knew that he would have to go back and face Mr. Stark in 2 days. He already knew there would be an onslaught of new fantasies and desire waiting for him at the end of that day. Peter let out a long defeated sigh into his pillow before he got up to clean his mess.  
  
Back at the Stark Tower, immediately after Peter left Tony was already downing a whole glass of whiskey. The weight of the consequences that could follow his recent actions finally catching up to him now that Peter had left his sight. Everything about that kid was distracting, so distracting the Tony couldn't even remember to keep his own filthy mouth shut. Tony was already pouring himself the second glass that he knew he needed. He shakily raised the glass to his lips and took a frustrated swig before setting it down a little too hard. He ran a hand through his hair and tossed his glasses aside, letting his head rest in both hands. He sat there for a while contemplating things he could never allow to happen between him and Peter...and what he needed to happen. His thoughts were interrupted by his phone lighting up with a message from...Steve?  
  
Tony didn't know what to feel, he didn't know whether he wanted to throw his phone in rage at the fact that Steve would even dare to contact him, or if he wanted to immediately call him and ask him if their friendship could ever be the same again. He raised his glasses back onto his face as he clicked on the message with unsteady hands. He read through all of it, it wasn't quite the apology he was looking for...but then again, nothing would be. At the end of the message Steve wrote, "If you need me, I'll be there." His brain lagged while he read it. Maybe he did need Steve. He felt so alone, what happened in Germany distanced him from everyone he cared about. It distanced him from Steve, who he considered to be his dearest friend. He contemplated if it was too late to save that. He didn't really think about before he was hitting the call button. It rang for a long time and Tony assumed that Steve would let it go to messages. But then there was a click and faint,  
  
"Tony?" Emotions boiled up inside him, he wanted to scream at Steve and ask him to come back all at once. But instead, he let out a steady,  
  
"Steve..." He took a deep breath, even though he was the one who called he waited for Steve to speak first.  
  
"I...listen...I don't know what to say to you except I'm sorry...but I know that that isn't going to help anything."  
  
"You're damn right it won't..." Tony cut in, letting out a little bit of frustration.   
  
"I know..." Steve paused for a bit, "But Tony, please...I don't want this to be the end of our friendship...I know that I have no right to say this but I don't want this to be the reason the Avengers fall apart...do you?" Steve's words rang through him, he didn't know how to answer. It was true, he didn't want this to end things, but he wasn't ready to forgive Steve, not completely, not yet.  
  
"You're right..." Tony forced out, "I don't want this to be the end, but...goddamn it Steve, I don't know if I can just let this go you-you lied to me for years, fuck the accords and not signing them this is more than that you-" He heard his voice raise but then he immediately lowered it again in attempts to keep this conversation civil. "You betrayed me..." He added feigning a calm tone. "But somehow...I still need you to be my friend." A silence was exchanged through the phone, none of them wanted to say anything to make the situation worse. Tony finally added, "Where did you go...after..." He paused not wanted to bring up the fight that took place in Germany.  
  
  
"You know I can't tell you that Tony." Steve was right, honestly Tony didn't even know what answer he expected. "What about you? What's been happening at the Tower?" Tony took a deep breath in,   
  
"Well...lot's of bullshit that neither of us should talk about..." He hesitated, wondering if he should tell Steve the latest news. "...and that kid from the airport...Spiderman. I'm mentoring him now..." A subtle touch of self-loathing rang through his voice as he said it. He was answered with a deep sigh of clear disapproval.   
  
"How old  _is_ he Tony? Don't you think he's too young to be getting into this life? Just look at the two of us."  
  
"That's why I'm doing it. I want a future that is better than us." Tony couldn't tell if he was lying. The words felt right, but they didn't carry much weight in his heart. "Maybe he could even be part of the Avengers later...if the Avengers still has a chance of being salvaged..." The conversation was tense, they were each dancing around things that would set the other off. But Tony still felt comforted by the chance to just talk to his friend.   
  
"Just, be careful Tony...Don't do anything you'll regret." His brain answered silently, *Too late.* But a just let out a sound of approval in response. "It's good to talk to you Tony," Steve said more quietly than before.  
  
"You too..." He said before they each exchanged short goodbyes and hung up. It was like Steve could tell that Tony  _wanted_ to make mistakes with Peter. That was one quality Tony never like about Steve, his ability to know what he had done without him even having to say it. Tony was unsure if that conversation made him feel better or worse. Regardless he filled his glass with whiskey once again before shuffling off to bed. The memory of the look Peter had given him earlier flashed behind his eyelids when he laid down to sleep. He wasn't looking forward to all the urges he knew he would have to fight, but some part of him was beginning to need Peter. It was a pathetic, unfair need but he was willing to allow himself to have it. The more he contemplated it, the more he was willing to allow himself to have...more of Peter...thing's that he had no right to take but he found himself wanting to take. The part that bothered him the most was that he knew he could have all of it. He knew he could have the kid begging for him, and he would barely have to try. He knew that he could make Peter quiver with things that he's never felt before. He knew he could taste and take all the innocence the kid had to offer. Tony originally forbid himself to take that, but now, he was asking himself if he would take that. He whispered aloud to himself,  
  
"I'm going to hell..."


	5. "Hell's Hot For Good Reason"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, so I'm anticipating this fic to be about 10-13 chapters long, somewhere in that area. I need to pace things out as I go but it's looking like it will be closer to 13. Anyways, I hope you like this chapter, leave a comment if you want, I will reply...And yes...the title is a twenty one pilots lyric. <3

The world continued spinning for Tony and Peter until Wednesday morning when they would both assure you that it had stopped. Tony had been keeping himself busy since the events of Monday night. His version of keeping busy involved drinking too much and boxing to pass the time. He decided distracting himself was the best bet to keeping his...inappropriate tendencies for Peter under wraps. Thinking about the kid is what led him to trouble always, thinking led to wanting, which led to mistakes. On the other hand, Peter had done nothing but absorb himself in the situation. He did nothing but think about it constantly. People actually noticed it. Ned pointed out a few times during school on Tuesday, that Peter looked "Distracted," That was the word he used. It frustrated Peter how true that was, of course, he was _distracted_! He wouldn't be able to live with himself if he let his feelings change things. Everything had been so simple and easy until Monday, and Peter couldn't handle it if things got screwed up so soon. He had only been working with Mr. Stark for about a month now and he couldn't just allow everything to slip through his fingers because he couldn't keep it in his pants for his teacher. Peter cringed at the own mental admission of his urges for Mr. Stark. He had gone over the potential consequences of Mr. Stark finding out a million times now. First, there was the fact that everything would become undoubtedly weird...that was a no-brainer. Second, if Mr. Stark _did_ ever find out, what if he told someone? What if he told Aunt May? The thought of Aunt May being part of this situation filled Peter with a sense of doom only a hormone infused teenager could understand. Third, what if Mr. Stark ended the internship? Peter didn't let himself think about that consequence for too long though because he was certain that he wouldn't let it come to that.   
  
Despite their combined efforts of thinking and not thinking, Wednesday had arrived. Peter entered the Stark Tower and took the elevator as usual. When he reached the living spaces he glared up the steps that led to Mr. Starks main apartment. He was in no rush this time so he went up the steps, 2 at a time. He reached the door that always opened for him automatically. He hesitated in such a way that struck him with a feeling of deja-vu from the first time he was here. Eventually, he pushed himself forward, deciding that no matter how long he stared at the door, nothing was going to change. When he entered he was greeted by the usual, energetic, "Peter!"   
  
Tony was seated on one of the stools at the counter, reading the newspaper. Peter always found it funny that even though Mr. Stark had access to all the technology he could ever ask for, he still opted to read the newspaper from time to time. Tony adjusted his glasses and set his newspaper aside. "You're late." Tony pointed out as he motioned for Peter to follow him up another set of stairs. It's true, Peter had delayed in every way he could think of before he left school for the Stark Tower. He slowly walked through the hallways and chatted with Ned as long as possible. When Happy asked him what took so long he insisted that he was in the bathroom.   
  
"Heh-Yeah...Hectic morning." Peter nervously ruffled the back of his hair. When they had both reached the lab, Tony stopped in front of Peter and caught his eye.  
  
"Listen, Peter, we need to talk." Tony paused ominously and Peter felt his stomach jump into his throat. His mind was racing everywhere, *He knows! Oh my god, course he knows! I'm so screwed!* Peter may have actually broken a sweat if Tony didn't finally continue his sentence. "I think you're ready for the next portion of your training!" Peter felt his organs collapse in on themselves with relief. He did his best not to act strange but he couldn't help the deep exhale he gave. "Clearly you've proven yourself knowledgeable about the details of my AI programming so today, we're going to have you start making your own." Peter had two things to be excited about, the fact that he was progressing in his internship, and the fact that Mr. Stark didn't know yet...he thought. Tony and Peter worked through countless hours, each absorbed in the work they were doing. Everything felt normal between the two of them, the only difference was Peter occasionally reminding himself not to stare when Mr. Stark wasn't looking. The hours ticked by as Peter asked question after question, he was convinced that Mr. Stark would run out of knowledge eventually. In fact everything had been going so smoothly that neither of them had noticed how late it had been getting. At some point, Peter glanced up at one of the clocks in the room. He had a small heart attack when he realized that it was just after 10:00 and Aunt May was probably freaking out. This was confirmed when Peter picked up his phone and noticed the 3 missed calls...Peter began frantically shoving his items into his backpack, he couldn't tell if his rushing was making the process faster, or slower and more clumsy.   
  
"Oh-uh-uh-um, Mr-Mr. Stark, I gotta go it's so late I didn't even tell Aunt May that I was planning on being out after 6, she's gonna kill me if I don't get home now Mr-" Tony watched for a few moments as Peter rambled on about getting home and trying to put things into his backpack. He simply nodded and watched before something spoke for him. Tony could have sworn he wasn't the one who said it but the words that fell from his lips were,  
  
"You could just stay here for tonight." Tony wasn't sure where that idea came from but the rest of his mind quickly agreed that was the best and worst idea he'd had in ages. Peter looked up at him with a look of surprise and a loss for words. Peter's mouth opened and closed a few times trying to find an answer. Tony simply looked at him, waiting for the boy to find his words. Peter bit his lip to keep his jaw from falling open again. Every fiber of his body wanted to scream 'yes', but Peter knew better by now, that usually meant it should be a no.   
  
"I-I..." Peter struggled, there was no way that he would turn Mr. Stark down, that was impossible. But he still couldn't just say yes. "I have to ask Aunt May." Peter wanted to sink to the floor and die there, Mr. Stark had just invited him to stay the night and the best he could do was say that he had to ask Aunt May!? Peter was horrified with himself.   
  
"Absolutely," Tony chimed in, interrupting Peter's rather dramatic thoughts. "I have plenty of spare rooms and I'm sure that somewhere in this building I can find a decent pair of Pj's." While Tony averted his attention to cleaning up some messes on the table, Peter was still stood frozen with his hands in his backpack. He knew he had to move but he was suddenly forgetting how to do it. Tony caught wind of Peter's distressed expression and turned slightly to look at him, "Do you  _want_ to stay?" Tony added just a touch of emphasis to that sentence which changed it from a reassuring question to an invitation that Peter could not refuse.  
  
"Of course-Yes, I-I mean yeah," Peter answered too quickly this time, Tony couldn't help but smirk a little as he turned away once again. Peter finally got his hands moving as he dove for the phone in his pockets. Tony listened as Peter called Aunt May, he could tell that Peter was getting an earful just because of his inability to get out any words other than, yes, mhm, yes I know, I know, and I'm sorry. Eventually, Peter hung up and turned to Tony with an awkward half smile.  "She said that it's fine." Tony smiled in return.  
  
"Great. It's getting pretty late and I know you have school tomorrow so we should just call it a night now." Peter agreed and picked up his backpack. Tony looked Peter in the eyes as he placed a hand on the small of his back. This time Tony had done it intentionally, almost daringly. "Let me show you where you can stay." Peter was taken to a part of the tower that he had never seen before, granted he hadn't seen a majority of the tower. They finally stopped in front of one of the many doors in a long hallway. Tony slowly turned the doorknob and revealed to Peter, what he knew would be, the nicest room he would ever sleep in. "You can sleep in here, there should be some clean clothes in that closet over there," There was a long pause and Tony seemed to be thinking about something. "And...if you need me, my room is right there." He pointed to the last door in the hall, also the closest door to Peter's room.  
  
"Ok." Peter managed a fairly simple response, although it took all of his effort to make it sound that way.   
  
"Ok," Tony mimed back, "See you tomorrow." Tony closed the door gently behind him and rushed to his bedroom. He shut the door behind him and sank heavily onto a couch. He took off his glasses and tossed them aside, he ran his hands over his face a few times. Tony had forgotten where the line for what was inappropriate had been drawn, because clearly, he had crossed that line a mile back. He opened the laptop that was on the table in front of him. He wanted to sort through some work to calm his mind. He unbuttoned the front of his suit, normally he would be in something more casual by now, but he had meetings earlier on and just decided to deal with it.   
  
Behind the tabs of emails and work, Tony noticed movement on the screen. _The security camera feed_... Since it had been only him, and occasionally Pepper, in the mansion recently he had the cameras activated in all rooms. He clicked to enlarge the camera feed and saw Peter, who was only a few walls away, looking through spare clothes in the closet. Tony knew that he shouldn't be watching, but this thought hadn't stopped him yet. Peter looked around the room in awe, touching the spare clothes in the closet and peeking his head into the private bathroom around the corner. He looked around the room until his eyes caught on the bed... _the bed_. Peter couldn't resist, he got a small running start and plopped himself in the middle of the luxury king sized bed. Tony smirked as he watched Peter's display of childishness over the cameras. Peter moved his arms around a little, feeling the quality of the sheets. He kicked off his shoes and laid face up again. Peter didn't know how to feel at this very moment. He was so close to Mr. Stark's room. This observation should have made him nervous, but instead, it only excited him. He thought about what Mr. Stark was doing this very moment...probably brushing his teeth or something. Peter got up and picked out the most basic T-shirt and pajama bottoms the closet had to offer. He laid them on the bed and stared at them for a moment before removing his hoodie first.  
  
Tony noted this as the best time to stop watching. If he closed his laptop now he could still excuse this as an urge to check on the kid. It really  _would_ have been a perfect time, but Tony kept watching as Peter removed his shirt. Tony felt a hit of lust ring through him as he looked over the slightly muscular build Peter kept hidden under loose T-shirts. The boy had always looked deceptively skinny until he put on the Spider suit. Tony adored Peter's slender build, ecpecially because he knew that Peter could stop a bus with his bare hands. Peter undid the first button of his jeans and Tony's finger stroked the escape button, he promised himself that he would leave the screen at any moment. That moment still didn't come fast enough because suddenly Tony was looking at the boy wearing nothing but boxers. Tony couldn't tell if Peter always undressed tantalizingly slow, or if the kid somehow knew it would torture him. Peter put on the other clothes and sat back down in the center of the bed. He went back to thinking over the events of the day for a few moments before his thoughts settled on Mr. Stark. He remembered, only moments earlier, when Mr. Stark placed a hand on his back...lower this time. Peter would also be lying if he didn't admit that Mr. Stark looked incredible today. Usually, Tony was wearing a casual T-shirt and some normal pants but today, Peter had the pleasure of seeing him in a black suit with a splash of burgundy color for his tie. Peter wanted to explode with frustration. Mr. Stark was only a few steps away and Peter wanted desperately to go over there and...and...Peter suddenly was at a loss for words. He didn't know what he wanted to do...or have done to him. Peter moved around slightly on the bed, becoming restless with himself. Tony undid his tie, letting it hang around his neck, eyes still fixated on the boy through the security cameras. Peter wondered what it would be like to touch another man. Specifically Mr. Stark. He had never really thought about it too much but he was surprisingly comfortable with the thought of his hand being wrapped around someone else's cock. Peter was suddenly flooded with images of him touching Mr. Stark while on his knees. Peter was automatically on his knees in this sudden fantasy and he was finding that he was very ok with that. Something about the mixture of his thoughts, the softness of the bedsheets, and the dangerous distance between him and Mr. Stark, had Peter growing hard against his will.   
  
Tony had nearly decided to stop watching when he noticed Peter's fists tighten in the sheets. Tony leaned into the screen, now noticing that Peter was staring into the distance and he was biting his lip in a  _sinful_ way. Tony swallowed hard, the boy had a talent for making simple actions look downright pornographic. Peter wasn't sure if it would make any difference, but he tried his best to fight the urge to touch himself. Peter wouldn't ever touch himself Aunt May was home because he knew that he couldn't be trusted to stay quiet. With Mr. Stark in the next room, the risk of someone hearing him was even higher, but this only served to excite Peter more. Very slowly, just to test the waters, Peter carefully palmed himself through his pants once. His eyes fluttered shut as he pushed his head farther back into the mattress. As soon as Tony saw this he slammed his laptop shut and rose from his seat. He paced for a few moments before the urge to see Peter in person was too strong. He wanted to make Peter lust after him, to see Peter squirm under the tension of the moment. He  _needed_ it. Tony was too smart to feign innocence, he knew exactly what he was about to do. Tony whispered before carefully opening the door to his room and walking down the hallway to Peter's door. Peter had one hand under his shirt and the other tempting to slide into his pants when he heard 3 light knocks on the door. He sat up immediately, his heart rate and breathing elevated from the scare. He couldn't talk to Mr. Stark right now, not while he was almost painfully hard. "Peter?" Tony called from the other side of the door. He wasn't going to give Peter time to figure out a solution. He was here to make the boy want him, and he was going to do it.

"Shit, shit, shit, shit..." Peter muttered under his breath while approaching the door. He carefully opened the door just enough for Tony to see his face and torso. Tony noticed his slightly messed hair, like he had been running his hands through it in the last few seconds. He could see the deep blush that graced the boy's cheeks. He knew that he could enter the room right now and change Peter's life...but instead, he lied.   
  
"I just wanted to check on you...did you find everything ok?" Peter's lips were slightly parted. His eye's darted around Mr. Starks body. He noticed the missing glasses, the undone tie, and his unbuttoned suit. This picture turned Peter on enough to make him let out a frustrated breath through his nose. The door, which he was almost fully pressed against, was serving as the only shield to his sins.   
  
"Um-" Peter's voice cracked on the first word he said, "Y-yeah, I got everything Mr-Mr. Stark." Peter's heightened nervousness added an extra breathiness to Tony's name that he wanted to hear over and over again. Peter, once again, bit his lip in attempts to release some tension. Tony placed his hand on the edge of the door.  
  
"Ok, just try not to break anything," Tony added with a smirk. He licked his lower lip and leaned a little closer, scanning for any reaction on Peter's face. The air between them was too thick for Peter to breath. In this very clouded moment of judgment, he only wanted Mr. Stark to push open the door and ravage him. His hands shook lightly as he felt Mr. Stark's dark eyes undressing him mentally. Tony had left only a foot between each of them so the distance couldn't distract him from giving this boy a real reason to touch himself in a few moments. Tony let out a hot breath that he knew would touch Peter's face. "Goodnight then," Tony said his last words quiet and deep. Peter's knees threatened to drop him as Mr. Stark's voice and the tension of the moment vibrated through him. Then he was gone. Tony descended down the hallway once more and shut his door for the last time that night. He didn't open his laptop again to watch Peter, that felt too easy. Less than 5 minutes later, Tony heard a faint whimper of pleasure through the deceptively thin walls. After that night, Tony realized that he had no more questions, finally, something was absolutely sure and simple...he was going to have Peter, and he realized that he no longer cared if he burned in hell for it.


	6. Who Am I

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back with another chapter! I really wanted to update a few times this week but unexpected life things happened and I couldn't get myself in the mindset to write. I also really didn't want to rush with a chapter this heavy. Anyways prep yourself for things to get hot and heavy next chapter! Leave a comment if you want, I will respond. I hope you enjoy this chapter. <3

The next morning went just as you'd expect. An awkward breakfast that was way too expensive and too healthy for Peter to handle, limited conversation, and a rush to get to school on time. Of course, when Peter got to school, Ned and MJ thoroughly questioned why he was wearing the same clothes as yesterday, and why he was being brought to school by Mr. Stark's "Henchman", that was their highly creative and original name for Happy. Peter's day went by as good as any school day can. Even though he had left the Stark Tower just hours ago he couldn't wait to go back the next day. There was just something about the nature of Peter's relationship with Tony that had him reeling. He constantly craved that tension he felt in his stomach when Mr. Stark got close. He needed to feel the way his hands shook when Mr. Stark looked at him with a mysterious and contemplative nature. It was the tension that Peter was becoming addicted to, the way Mr. Stark made him feel was...indescribable. Every word, every movement, every sound Mr. Stark made was charged with _sex_. Or at least that's how it felt through the filter of a hormonal teenage mind. Even so, one word could never begin to scratch the surface of how Mr. Stark affected him. Peter was certain that no one else could make him feel how he did when he was with Mr. Stark. At least not right now.  
  
The issue was, that Peter now needed something. After he went home Thursday morning he couldn't ignore that nagging voice asking for more. But it was obvious to Peter that there wasn't going to be more. He was fully aware that he had reached the end of his line with Mr. Stark. Sure they might get closer as... friends, but that thought didn't cure Peter's craving. Last night he finally got a taste of what having more could be like. Mr. Stark inches away from him, his low voice vibrating through him, his hot breath against his face...That was the taste of more. He went home, he lived the rest of the day, wanting to be frozen in that moment.  
  
At the Stark Tower Tony went about his day as usual. He didn't have time to be distracted by the events of last night. Pepper would be arriving in a few minutes and he needed tonight to go great. Things had been a little tense between him and Pepper recently and Tony wasn't sure why. Maybe he had been a little distant or distracted because of the recent happenings in his life but that was understandable. But Pepper was also busy, taking care of certain business things that had her running around the country. Despite the fact that Tony had the perfect logic to explain why he was feeling this way, he still couldn't shake the thought that there was something more to their recent disconnect. He knew that he was going to at least try his best to fix it tonight. He had everything planned perfectly, first, he would wait for her to get settled in, then they would probably chat for a bit, then they would go out for a lovely dinner at her favorite place, then they would return to the Stark Tower for a passionate night of love-making. Tony couldn't help but be pleased with himself over how flawlessly he had everything planned. He grinned as he flipped the page to the book he was currently reading. Moments flew by and suddenly the door to the living room slid open and Pepper entered with Happy behind her carrying a suitcase with her overnight items.  
  
"Tony!" She smiled warmly and opened her arms for a hug. She looked lovely, she was wearing a black dress that was fitted to her figure and heels in a deep shade of red. Tony gave her a quick kiss and Happy quickly left the room.  
  
"I've missed you," Tony said, he couldn't help but feel that statement was a little far from the truth. Something about the feel of it as it left his mouth didn't taste right.  
  
"I've missed you too," She said, looking him directly in the eyes. The next few hours of the night went according to plan. She took a little while to get her things set up, they talked about her next business trip and Tony's current affairs. Then they left for dinner and she was ecstatic that Tony picked her favorite place. When they were finally seated and looking at their menu's, Tony was struck with an eerie feeling that it would only go downhill from here. Maybe that was just a sense or maybe it was because Pepper said, "So, how are things with Peter?" Tony cleared his throat and took a sip of his drink, it was just water, and he was disappointed that it was just water. But the last thing he needed was Pepper getting involved in his growing alcoholism.  
  
"Things are fine." He stated, as he set the glass back down gently and flipped the menu over.  
  
"Just fine?" She said, eyeing him suspiciously over her menu.  
  
"Well it's an internship, he's learning, I'm teaching. It's all going fine. I recently started giving him more advanced work, just a suspected...It's fine." Pepper was quiet for a moment before a mischevious grin suddenly spread across her face.  
  
"And is he still crushing hard on you?" Tony had to actually put forth an effort to suppress a feeling of guilt after she asked this question. But he faked a scoff and answered with,  
  
"Of course..." He looked off in the distance, now noticeably uncomfortable. A silence was exchanged and Tony could tell that Pepper had more to say so he braced himself for it.  
  
"It's just weird," She began, and Tony praised himself silently for being right, "You're always so closed off about the internship with Peter. I would think that you would have a lot to say about what's happening with you two. I mean this kid clearly looks up to you and I wouldn't be surprised if you found yourself forming some type of father-son relationship with hi-" Tony interrupted there, not wanting to hear any more of what Pepper had to say about the internship. Every time she talked about it, he wanted to jump out a window to escape his conscience.  
  
"It's not..." Tony paused trying to shake the defensive tone of his voice, "We don't have that kind of relationship. He goes to school, Happy picks him up, I teach him things...that's it. There isn't much to say about it so that's why it's all... _fine_." Pepper blinked a few times in confusion. She was clearly taken aback by Tony's sudden aggressiveness to end the conversation. She didn't want this evening to end with either of them upset, so she dropped it. Tony was now feeling more than just a little on edge, so when the food finally reached their table he barely touched it. He needed something to ease the tension and decided that Pepper wouldn't notice if he had one drink...after all, she was currently halfway through her second glass of wine. After some minutes of silence, he flagged down their waiter, "Can I get a whiskey please?" He asked, the waiter nodded in return and walked away in the direction of the bar. Pepper didn't take notice until Tony was asking for his third glass of whiskey in 30 minutes. She didn't say anything. In fact, neither of them said much for the rest of the dinner. A few small talk questions were asked but most of them were answered with short sentences or one-word answers. They drove back to the tower together, Tony didn't know if Pepper would still be in the mood to do anything, and at this point, he was hoping she wasn't. Dinner had taken him out of the mood entirely, he didn't know why he suddenly felt so tense, so... put off by the evening.  
  
When they got inside, Pepper took off her heels and Tony sat on the couch running his hands over his face a few times and taking off his glasses momentarily. She sat next to him and her careful eyes scanned his face.  
  
"Tony," She paused to take a breath. "I don't know what's been going on with us lately. It just doesn't feel like you and me when we talk anymore. I don't want things to keep being this way...let's just forget about that for now and try to rewind and get  _us_ back." Tony looked at her blankly. He didn't know what to say to that, despite the fact that he knew she was right. He didn't know what to feel... he didn't know if he felt anything. He still didn't know if he felt anything when she pulled him in for a kiss. He didn't know if he felt anything when her soft lips brushed over his. He didn't know if he felt anything when she stood up to undress. She was beautiful. Under her dress she was wearing dark blue lingerie, lace highlighting all her most lovely features. She was gorgeous, so he _should_ have felt something. But he still didn't when she straddled him and unbuckled his pants. She slid her hand into his boxers while she kissed his neck gently. Tony found himself drifting in thought until he felt something...he was thinking about Peter. He compared her gentle touch to what he imagined Peter's would be like. He imagined the light weight of her body actually being Peter, hovering over him, easily moved, easily taken. A moment later, guilt came crashing over Tony as he realized the wrong of this situation. He wrapped a gentle hand around Pepper's wrist signaling her to stop. She looked up at him with concerned eyes.  
  
"Pepper..." He paused, tucking her hair behind her ear. "I can't." He said, shuffling around a little, while he waited for her to stop straddling him.  
  
"Ok..." She said, still taking in his words and trying to understand. "Is everything ok? I'm..." She paused, gathering her dress from the ground.  
  
"I...can't go back Pepper." He said, now holding his head in his hands. "I don't know what's wrong with me...Maybe it's because of everything that happened in Germany, maybe it's because of..." He paused, thinking about Peter. "I don't know." He felt disgustingly human for a moment as they both sat in silence and looked anywhere but at each other. "I know that we've been different lately...But I don't think I can go back." Tony said, finally looking at her. Her eyes were wet with the tears that threatened to fall. She blinked them away and nodded in understanding.  
  
"Ok." She said, clearing her throat. "People change...I get that you're in a different place now." She looked like she was trying so hard to be ok that it was blatantly obvious that she wasn't ok. "Maybe it would be best if we both took a break to... regroup." Tony nodded gently while he looked at her. "I should go." She said, suddenly standing and putting on her dress.  
  
"No, you don't have to go. It's fine, I can sleep somewhere else tonight it's ok-" This time he interrupted himself as Pepper turned her face to him with a sad smile.  
  
"I'm going to go Tony...I'll stay at a nice hotel or something...maybe five stars." She paused, taking a deep breath. She suddenly went up the stairs to gather her stuff. In less than ten minutes she had her shoes on and they were standing near the door. "I'll see you around, take care of yourself ok?" Tony nodded and gave her a final hug, he wasn't sure when he would see her next so he wanted to make this moment count. She took one last look at him and walked out the door. He watched her. He watched her walk out of his life and he felt... _nothing_. Tony sat in the tower alone, trying to drown out his guilt and wondering why he didn't even feel the slightest bit upset about losing the woman he once loved. He considered calling Steve but then decided that he would probably try to convince Tony to get her back...like any sane person would. Everytime he was alone feelings of despair and self loathing came back to him faster. He could run from them every day by keeping busy but they would still be there for him at night. They would still be on the empty side of his bed every morning. Tony only had one more option that would temporarily cure all his problems. So he drank himself into the quiet oblivion of sleep.  
  
He woke up the next morning, the events of the night before and his hangover were there to greet the day with him. Peter was going to be there in just a few minutes. He felt his heart thump at that realization. He quickly got out of bed, took an aspirin, threw on a button up and some normal pants, and tried to get himself together. Moments after he had gotten himself presentable and bounded down the stairs Peter entered. Tony looked at him, normally he greeted Peter enthusiastically but this time he was interrupted by his own thoughts. There was a cure standing in front of him. Tony couldn't tell if it was a temporary cure, he couldn't tell if it would make anything better at all...but he wanted to drown himself in Peter, to get lost in the simplicity of Peter's youth. To have Peter make noises loud enough to drown out the constant thoughts that tortured Tony daily. Peter was the one thing that would undoubtedly make him feel something real, strong, and good. As sick as he might be for it, wanting Peter made him feel really... _really_ good. He didn't fully understand who he was anymore, so he didn't care if he lost it. He was going to lose himself. He was going to lose everything. He was going to let it happen. It was going to happen today. He let his desires wash over him, replacing the logic and sanity that once lived there. Peter stood in the doorway and looked at Tony curiously. Tony opened his mouth to speak. In the same low and calculated tone that made the boy melt, all he said was,  
  
" _Peter_..."


	7. Tune In Next Time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hooooolyyyyy shit guys...So this isn't even the worst of it. I feel like a terrible person...but I'm also pretty happy with myself...I don't even know anymore. I hope you guys like it so that I don't have to feel alone in my sin, heheh. <3

Peter looked at Mr. Stark blankly. Anxiety struck him like a lightning bolt, he wasn't sure how the rest of the day was going to proceed but he knew that the mood had shifted. The air was different when he walked in, Mr. Stark's tone was different, Peter felt different. He blinked a few times as he let the silence wash over him.   
  
"H-hey, Mr. Stark," He said, shrugging his backpack off and approaching. Tony blinked at the realization that he was acting a little strange.   
  
"Sorry, I'm not feeling too well today," Tony said as he poured himself a glass of water, forgetting to ask if Peter wanted one as well. He decided there was no point in keeping the truth from Peter and just admitted what was wrong. "Honestly I got hammered last night so, forgive me if I'm a little out of it." Peter looked down at the floor, wondering what he should say to that.   
  
"Oh...I don't mind." Peter answered, as a small smile of understanding came across his face. Tony was so refreshed just to hear someone say they didn't mind. Usually, when he told Steve or Pepper that he had a hangover, they would turn it into a lecture that lasted too long, and that he had heard before. It was always something about how, at his age, he needs to take his health more seriously or, he has people that look up to him and he needs to set an example. Just to have Peter accept him and be understanding was a breath of fresh air. He undid the top two buttons of his shirt and set the glass down before motioning for Peter to follow him.  
  
"Alright, let's get to work then." They went into the lab and worked for an hour before Tony started to get distracted by how distracted Peter was. Tony noticed how antsy he was being, almost like his brain was somewhere else entirely. Peter only had short answers and was avoiding the long detailed questions he normally asked every five minutes. Tony wasn't sure if Peter was distracted because Peter was being Peter...or if he was the one responsible for distracting the boy. The only way to find out was to test it. He leaned back in his seat and took off his glasses. A moment later he undid the buttons on his sleeves and rolled them up to his forearms. Not even a few seconds later he saw Peter glance up at him, then quickly back down at his work again. Peter bit his lip and didn't look up again. The guilt of being caught looking radiated off Peter's body. This was all the confirmation Tony needed. He was old enough to know what sexual tension felt like, and this certainly was it. Tony had already given himself permission to get into trouble today. Why wait? Tony moved from his side of the table to the other, where Peter was sitting. He slid his hand slowly to Peter's lower back, trying to hold the boy's attention for a moment. This, of course, worked perfectly. Peter's brown eyes shot up to meet his, surprised by the sudden contact. "Is everything ok?" Tony asked, he tried his best to make the tone sound concerned even though he already had an idea of what was wrong. Peter wanted to combust in his seat as Mr. Stark's hand lingered there, showing no signs of moving anytime soon.   
  
"Um, yeah-yeah I'm...fine," Peter said, his eyes now showing his lie as he looked anywhere but Tony's face. Tony intentionally left his hand on Peter's back, he observed how it frazzled Peter's thinking as the conversation continued.  
  
"If something's bothering you," Tony paused for slight dramatic effect, "You can always tell me. I may not give the best advice but who cares." Peter looked at Tony, eyes locked into place. He wondered what would happen. What would Mr. Stark do if he just admitted that he liked him? He wanted to find out so badly but he couldn't risk throwing away everything he had achieved in the past month.   
  
"I...I-uh," Peter swallowed hard once, trying to find the best words for this situation. He didn't even think before he said it, his brain decided without him that the words he would speak next were going to be, "I like someone." Peter watched Tony's reaction closely so that he could determine if he had made a mistake or not. Tony's lips raised into a small smirk. He almost felt guilty for manipulating Peter into this moment but he pushed that thought aside so it couldn't interfere with his pursuit for more.   
  
"Oh?" He said, sliding his hand off Peter's back, "Do tell? Who is the lucky person?" Peter now decided that those words were officially a bad decision. He didn't know what he expected, of course Tony was going to ask questions.   
  
"I uh-u-oh I don't, you wouldn't know them, it's not even a big deal just something that I've been thinking about." Peter was now running a hand through the back of his hair, very clearly anxious in this situation. Tony leaned closer, the tighter space immediately put a halt to Peter's nervous tendencies.  
  
"Well, I think this person is very lucky." Peter didn't know what to do. He had run out of things to say, places to go, air to breathe. He had to physically bite his lip to keep himself from blurting out that the person he liked was Mr. Stark. He thought maybe he could just test the waters...It wouldn't be saying too much if he just asked.  
  
"Mr. Stark?" Tony raised an inquisitive eyebrow, "Would you like me? I mean if I was older, of course, I know that you would never be into anyone my age but I was just wondering because maybe if you would like me this person will too, actually it's a stupid question you don't have to answer that I don't really know why I asked." Tony had to restrain himself from smiling. This is exactly what he wanted.   
  
"Who said anything about age?" Tony answered, in a sarcastic tone that was far too casual for the actual comment. Peter could only blink. If Tony was implying what Peter thought he was implying, then this situation just became  _very_ different. He watched Tony, waiting to see if there would be more to say, searching for answers in Mr. Stark's unreadable expression. Half of Tony's mind was now screaming and pleading for him to stop, his last chance at redemption was about to fly out the window. Unfortunately, the other half of his mind screamed louder. He couldn't pass up this opportunity. He wanted this, what was stopping him from taking it? Tony realized that for once, there was absolutely no one that was stopping him. Peter wanted this... That thought echoed through him as he returned his hand to Peter's back, now sliding it around to his side. Peter's heart sped up, he was forced to take shorter and louder breaths to support the tension coursing through him. He was unsure about what was about to happen, or what was currently happening. He finally decided that it was too late for logic and spoke as clearly as he could manage even though his body could barely handle keeping him upright anymore.   
  
"Mr. Stark...what if-" Peter was still talking even though Tony was gradually coming closer. He hesitated long enough so that Peter could decide now if he had any doubts about his actions. "What if the person I liked was-" Peter's vocal cords gave out as Tony placed his other hand on the boy's jawline. They both looked at each other. Peter was unsure of how they got in this situation, but Tony knew exactly how. Peter struggled for his next breath, while Tony had every step planned ahead of him for the next twenty minutes. Which is why Tony was startled when Peter was the one who pushed forward, closing the gap between them, pressing soft lips to his. Peter pulled back immediately, clearly horrified by his own actions. Still, he searched Tony's expression to see if the older man was just as horrified. His eyes were wide and his mouth was open slightly, he wanted to say everything but his lips couldn't form words. Almost as soon as Peter was about to apologize and try his best to take everything back, Tony's lips were back on his. Peter was idle for a moment, his body was still trying to catch up to his mind before he started to carefully kiss back. Tony could taste the inexperience on Peter's lips. He took control of the kiss easily, both teaching and taking at the same time. This went on for a few moments before Tony pulled Peter closer his body with the hand that was wrapped around his waist. He was standing while Peter was sitting in the chair, legs on either side of Tony. He paused only a second to exchange a look with Peter, ensuring that he still wanted to continue. The only reason Tony would be able to live with himself after this is if he was sure that Peter wanted it just as bad. The blush that graced Peter's cheeks and the desperate tremble in his hands gave all the consent that Tony needed. Then they were kissing again, Tony now introducing tongue that Peter was unfamiliar with but accepted without a second thought. Without Peter's permission, his own hips pressed forward, further into Tony's. He made a small weak noise into the kiss, he hoped that would urge Mr. Stark into doing something else. He didn't know what he wanted to happen, and he wanted Mr. Stark to answer that for him. He wanted Mr. Stark's experienced hands to run all over his body and show him what he needed. Peter made another noise, similar to a whine, and suddenly Tony's hands reached under his thighs and he was hoisted up onto the desk. Peter broke the kiss in surprise. Peter's light build made him easily maneuverable, much to Tony's delight. He looked into Peter's eyes, his innocent expression was now mixed with a dark hunger. That deadly combination made Tony want to abandon common sense and fuck Peter against the desk at that very moment. He decided there would be time for that later, but only if he left Peter wanting more. He couldn't get everything he wanted unless Peter was willing. He knew exactly how to keep Peter willing.  
  
"What do you want?" Tony whispered into Peter's ear, his tone was low and commanding even though the question left room for any answer. Peter's body trembled in Tony's hands as a shiver ran through him. He answered with exactly what was on his mind.  
  
"Tell me what I want." Tony was more than a little surprised at how smooth those words sounded as they fell out of Peter's lips. He loved how Peter's nervous nature was being overpowered by his need to be commanded.   
  
"I think," Tony began, unzipping Peter's hoodie and shoving it aside. "That you want someone to touch you," In between his words he began kissing at Peter's neck, nibbling and sucking lightly enough to not leave any evidence. "I think, that you finally want someone else's hand around your cock." Tony pulled Peter's T-shirt down at the collar and chanced a rougher bite near his collar bone. Peter made a high pitched whining sound in response, now pushing his hips further into Tony's. "Do you touch yourself?" Tony asked, his tone demanded an answer that Peter was willing to give. The boy nodded in response, not trusting his vocal chords to make a sound that wasn't a desperate moan. Tony slid a hand under Peter's shirt, slowly feeling the muscles and soft skin and he raised his hand to brush a thumb over Peter's nipple. "Do you wish it was me touching you instead?" Peter's was now struggling through his anticipation. He nodded once again, the red in his cheeks growing darker at the admission. He couldn't stand how agonizingly slow Tony was now unzipping the front his jeans. Tony leaned back and looked at Peter, who was now breathing harder and holding onto Tony's shoulders for dear life. "This is what you want," Tony said as he took Peter's cock into his hand. Peter's hands tightened into fists, wrinkling Tony's shirt with his strong grip. Peter's legs pulled Tony further into him as he stroked the boy's cock, running his thumb over the tip occasionally. Peter buried his face into the crook of Tony's neck, stifling small, needy noises. Tony's other hand ran across Peter's back soothingly, feeling his muscles tense and twitch lightly at the stimulation. Peter was trying his best to handle all the sensations and he knew he was already failing.  
  
 The noises he was trying his best to hide were growing louder and Tony's careful hand sped up slightly. Then he suddenly pulled away. Peter actually let out a moan of disappointment as he Tony took a step back, eyeing the desperate and hard boy who was seated on the desk. He carefully pushed Peter back until he was laying on the desk. Tony slowly spread Peter's legs a little wider. Peter was confused and wanted to ask what was going on. Everything was answered when he looked down to see Tony taking the head of his cock into his mouth. Peter made a loud sound that was abruptly cut off by the sound of his own hand clapping over his mouth. Tony slowly lowered his head further, taking Peter's cock almost fully into his mouth, before slowly raising back up to the tip. He repeated this process for a few moments as Peter adjusted to the feeling of the wet heat around his cock. Peter was trying so hard to hold still that his legs trembled. Peter felt Tony's tongue press into the underside of his cock. He felt like he was going to die if Tony kept up this slow pace. The next time Tony raised his head he flicked his tongue across the tip of Peter's cock. The boy's hips twitched forward slightly at the sensation. Peter was being drowned by the pleasure and tension. If this was what the boys at his school talked about, then they weren't even getting close to how good it actually felt. Tony was now bobbing his head faster and Peter's mind struggled to catch up. His eyes fluttered shut and his head made a little thump sound as it hit the back of the desk. His mouth fell open, letting out a shaky breath that Tony's tongue threatened to turn into a moan. The one hand that he had been covering his mouth, now reached down to grasp Tony's hair, tightening just enough to make Tony moan around the boy's cock. This sent delicious vibrations through Peter's body that almost made him shriek. His other hand tried aimlessly to find something to hold onto. He found nothing, leaving him with only the option to scratch his nails against the desk. Suddenly everything began to piece together. Peter's thoughts faded, the heat in his lower stomach raced to find any sort of release, his eyes squeezed shut, his hips twitched and his jaw tightened.   
  
"M-Mr. Stark!" Peter forced the words out of his lungs, trying to keep as much air in his body as possible, worried that if he let it go he wouldn't get it back. Tony knew exactly what was about to happen and he mercilessly took Peter's cock as far into his mouth as it would go. Peter's back lifted off the table, arching perfectly as came in Tony's mouth. Peter let out the loud moan that Tony had been trying to get from him. The sound was the most erotic thing he could ask for and if he had been Peter's age he probably would have came in his pants just by listening to it. He pulled off of Peter's cock, not thinking twice before swallowing. The taste was never great but he had learned by now that it's better to just get it over with. Peter's eyes were shut, his body was limp, the only energy he had left was going towards him taking in gasps of air. The sight of Peter was the definition of debauchery. After a few moments, Peter sat up, zipped up his pants and carefully leaned towards Tony. "I can..." Peter paused, he slid his hands down Tony's stomach slowly. Tony gripped Peter's wrists gently bringing him to a stop.  
  
"Not today," Tony answer gently, pressing a gentle kiss to the sensitive spot on Peter's neck. He was on a mission to leave Peter wanting more, and Tony was more than willing to give Peter more.   
  
"Mr. Stark I want to I-" Tony pulled back and looked at Peter.  
  
"Not today," He repeated, hoping Peter would get the hint that this was his version of promising that there would be a next time. Peter nodded pulling his hand back. "Now that your head is cleared..." Tony added, moving away from Peter and back to the other side of the desk. "We should have no more distractions from our work." Tony had to move on from the moment. If he kept standing there, guilt would catch up to him to remind him that this wasn't a normal or healthy relationship. Peter still couldn't fathom that what happened actually was real. He thought over what Tony meant by saying, not today. His mind was beginning to race again, but this time, it was with excitement from what else was to come. Peter looked up at him, flashing the innocent expression that got Tony into this mess, to begin with. Peter simply nodded and they both continued their work, thinking about _next time_.


	8. Fix Me, For Now

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, guys, this is the chapter we've been waiting for!!! I waiting a little while to write this chapter because I really wanted to put good effort into it, so I hope you really enjoy this because it was a process to write...well, as much a delight this sin can be to write. I've got a lot going on right now so I didn't have time to scan this chapter for mistakes as much as I would have liked so, please forgive my mistakes. Just a warning, it will be no less than a week until the next update because I'm going away for a little bit. I'll still be there to respond to any comments though so I guess I won't be too far. Anyways, I hope you all have a good week and enjoy the chapter! <3

Peter went home just a few hours after what happened between him and Mr. Stark. Emotions ran heavy inside his mind. He wanted to feel ecstatic, he wanted to feel excited about the future, he wanted to feel as happy as anyone would when they finally got to be with their crush. But a smarter voice inside him was preventing those feelings from running wild. That voice was the one that was telling him, that this couldn't end well, that what they had done was technically illegal, that if anyone found out Mr. Stark could get in loads of trouble. In its purest form, that voice was guilt. Peter tried his best to logic his way out of the guilt. He tried to look for a loophole here and there. But at the end of every thought, he was still led back to the unwavering fact that it was wrong.  
  
When he finally made it home and was settled in his room, he became overwhelmed with the feeling of just wanting to talk to someone. To just have someone listen to how he was feeling. For the past month, everything that had to do with Mr. Stark had been kept under wraps. No one even knew that Peter had any feelings for him at all. With the recent events, this was finally starting to catch up to Peter. The most frustrating part was, no one  _would_ listen to Peter. Any logical individual that he could vent to would tell him to never go back to Stark Tower. They would tell him to report Mr. Stark to the police, or they would do it for him. Peter's thoughts went in circles, he found himself spiraling for an answer that could never come. He didn't know what to do, maybe he would have even dared to cry if he hadn't been interrupted by the vibration of his phone in his back pocket. He opened his phone to a text that read,  
  
-Peter, this is Tony. I felt bad about not having a conversation with you about what happened today. You're worth more than that to me... If you want you can come by tomorrow and we can work things out more?  
  
Peter felt his heart drip with desperation. He tried his best to keep his responding text vague, he didn't want to leave traces of their crime sitting around in texts.  
  
-Yeah, I'd love that.  
  
He hit send. He thought maybe using the word love was a little too strong...maybe he should have thought out his wording a little better. His thoughts were trailing off when a response came in.  
  
-Great, see you at 12.  
  
Peter didn't have time to feel guilty anymore. All he wanted was to talk to someone, to have someone listen. He wanted someone to be there for him, and who better than the person he looked up to the most? Tony was far too aware of this. He knew that Peter would need somewhere to go. He knew that all the boy wanted was to feel like he had done the right things. He knew how much Peter looked up to him and wanted to spend time with him. He knew that Peter would be waiting for more, but be too afraid to ask in case he sounded desperate. The fact that Tony knew all of this, is why it was wrong. Everything he had done, from the moment he rolled up his sleeves and asked Peter if everything was ok, it had all been pre-calculated. The fact was, Tony knew what he was doing, and Peter didn't. It's because of this, Peter could not see how terribly he was being taken advantage of. Through that Friday night, neither of them decided to be a better person. Peter didn't suddenly realize that this couldn't ever work, and Tony didn't decide to stop being the terrible person he knew he was. So, the next day, Peter showed up. He stepped into the Stark Tower exactly on time. When he was finally seated in front of Tony, everything that Peter expected from the day was written in his expression. The excess of nervous smiles, the care that he had put into fixing his hair, the fact that Tony could tell that Peter had been in the shower less than an hour ago because he smelled _amazing_. They both knew, what they were there for. Of course Tony wasn't going to just take the boy to bed with him, he'd like to convince himself that he had more class than that. If there even was any class to redeem in this situation. Tony offered Peter water, which he knew that the boy would refuse, after the first incident with the glass. Then they were sat side by side on the sofa. Peter's heart was ready to burst out of his chest. He was anticipating so much that he was almost caught off guard by Tony's first casual words.  
  
"Listen, Peter," He began, it almost sounded like the start to one of the long lectures that Aunt May occasionally blessed Peter with.  
 "It's not easy for me to admit that...I really do care about you. More than I thought I did." Tony wasn't lying this time, he felt something very deep for the boy. He refused to give it a title, mostly because he couldn't tell if it was a friendly bond, a romantic urge, a brief infatuation, or some type of protective role he was trying to fill. The last option always made him cringe. If that was how he felt, then he was certainly failing. Tony lost himself in thought briefly before he continued. He reminded himself of the goal, he had to make Peter  _need_ him. It wouldn't be morally right unless he had the boy practically begging on his knees. Tony wasn't sure if that was morally right either. Nevertheless, he continued,  
 "That's why I don't want to see you get hurt." Peter was taken aback by these words. He expected that he would come here to take things...further with Tony, and now? He was getting the rejection speech.  
"You're smart enough to know that what we did yesterday was...beyond idiotic. You're also smart enough to know that our age gap is...substantial." Tony paused, looking at the boy's obvious distressed expression. If he said his next words carefully...he could get exactly what they both needed. "I shouldn't have let myself make that mistake, it was an error that I need you to forgive." Tony looked Peter directly in the eye, "I took advantage of you." He outright admitted what he was doing in this exact moment. He was taking advantage of Peter, he knew that. The room was silent enough to hear a pin drop, that's why Tony could hear the sound of Peter getting ready... _to beg_.  
  
"Mr. Stark..." Peter began, he looked like he might cry. His brown eyes now glassy with the oncoming threat of tears, his face reddening with the blood rushing through his veins. He was beautiful. "I don't understand I...I-" Peter blinked a few times, refusing to let himself cry in a moment like this. Not when Tony was already accusing him of being too young. "You didn't, I'm not, this isn't-" His eyes darted around, hoping to land on something that would ground him enough to grant him speech. "You didn't take advantage of me, I'm not just some kid I-I, I could have stopped you if I wanted to, you know that this is different I..." Peter paused, his throat tightening as he struggled to form a coherent sentence. His voice broke through his words, threatening to give out under the stress. "I wanted it." There it was. The words that Tony needed to hear. The only thing Peter needed to say to make each of them feel comfortable in the pits of hell. Tony stared at Peter, resisting the urge to kiss and nibbled at his dark pink lips. Just a little longer, Tony thought. I just need to wait until... "I want you." That's what he was waiting for. Peter sounded suddenly very sure of himself. It was almost unsettling how quickly the boy pulled himself together. Peter was getting closer, soon his body was pressed into Tony's side, begging to be given permission. Peter let his emotions guide him as he moved to straddle Tony. Looking down at him, exactly the way Tony had imagined the night he left Pepper...This is what they wanted. "Mr. Stark..." Peter's hands were now rested atop Tony's shoulders, his face tantalizingly close. He moved his face around to Tony's ear, so close that his cheek brushed against the older man's facial hair. His lips were almost touching Tony's earlobe as he whispered, quietly and almost broken,  
  
" _Please_..." This time Tony felt a shiver run through him. Perfection was sitting on top of him, begging to be tasted. Who was he to refuse? He carefully placed his hands on Peter's waist, breathing in the sweetly scented cologne the boy used. He pulled Peter closer to himself, wanting to close any space between them. Their lips finally met. They kissed in a slow and passionate pace that quickly changed to fast and hungry for more. Tony pulled back, once again captured in the dark needy look Peter had mastered by not even trying.  
  
"Come on," He took Peter by the hand as they walked rather quickly to Tony's bedroom. Peter's heart pounded for every step he took. The blood rushed through his body, giving him more energy than he could use. He was still trying to come to terms with the fact that everything was about to happen. The wall was the one that brought him back to reality, the wall that he was pressed against almost as soon as the stepping into Tony's bedroom. His body wasted no time reacting to the sudden shift in the mood. His senses were already on fire by the time Tony began kissing down his neck, sucking just enough each time to make Peter feel it. Peter's hands circled around Tony, pulling their bodies flush against each other and pinning himself firmly against the wall. Peter's lips were taken once again, he made soft needy noises into the kiss that only urged Tony to take things further. Peter tried to pull Tony's hips closer to his own but was failing in his efforts. His wish was granted when he was suddenly hoisted up, his legs wrapping behind Tony's waist in instinct. They were moving briefly before Peter was tossed gently onto a bed even softer than the one he had slept on before. He watched breathlessly as Tony unbuttoned his shirt and crawled onto the bed next to Peter.  
  
Their eye's met, each of them feeding off the passion the other had in their gaze. Peter shuddered at the feeling of Tony hands sliding under his shirt, still slow and exploratory in nature. Tony lifted the shirt over Peter's head so carefully, almost like he was scared to break him. His eyes marveled at the boy's perfect body. His skin pale in comparison to the deep blush he wore perfectly on his cheeks. Tony left wet kisses on Peter's stomach that the boy arched into as he slowly undid his jeans. Tony often forgot that everything a normal person felt, Peter felt it 10x stronger. For Peter, every kiss felt like 10, every touch felt like it's own world, every surge of pleasure was earth shattering. Tony loved it. He loved how Peter already looked wrecked even though they had barely begun, still untouched, still waiting for the best part. Seconds later Tony was slowly pulling down Peter's Jeans and boxers together. Peter raising his hips in a futile attempt to speed Tony up. Peter's cock was hard and begging for the attention that Tony was refusing it, as he raised back up to run his tongue across Peter's nipples. Peter made a small sound through his nose, clearly trying so hard to adapt to this torturous pace. Tony leaned back, drinking in the sight of Peter, naked and whining on his bed, literally begging to be fucked at this point. The look of desperation Peter gave Tony was so sharp that it could almost cut. Tony moved across the room, now taking off his own shirt before he rummaged through a drawer to get two things that Peter couldn't see until they were placed on one side of the bed. Lube and a condom, something any responsible adult would have, something to remind Peter of his obvious inexperience. Peter bit his lip in sudden hesitation. Tony noticed immediately.  
  
"Have you...?" Tony didn't even need to finish the question before Peter was nodding no. Tony almost felt compelled to stop at this realization... _almost_. He had assumed that the boy would have at least experimented with that before. Considering that Peter was the textbook definition of a bottom. Tony asked the next question in a way that he knew Peter could never refuse. Low and deep, losing almost any weight as an option, "Do you want to stop?" Peter felt emotions build up inside him, threatening to choke him under the weight. He was reluctant for not even a fraction of a second until he remembered that this was what he wanted all along. His body screamed for more and eventually, his words did too.  
  
"No, please..." Peter said, almost frantically, like he had been running out of time. "I just..." The pink on Peter's face darkened, "Will it...hurt a lot?" He refused to make eye contact, hoping that Tony wouldn't call off the whole thing because he asked such a childish question. Tony smiled, reassuring and soft for one moment before his voice dipped back into the tone that made Peter want to be Tony's slave.  
  
"It's worth it," Tony responded, shivers coursed through Peter as he was motioned to turn over. Nervousness mixed with excitement as his hand bunched in the silk fabric that his knees slid on. There was nothing for a moment, just the sound of his heart beating and Tony moving slightly on the bed. The moment of anticipation was broken by Tony leaving a dangerously gentle kiss on Peter's middle back. Peter wanted to melt into the feeling. Soft kisses slowly trailed across Peter's back as an experienced hand curved around his side and gently took hold of his cock, stroking slowly. Soft noises were drawn from Peter as Tony's other hand gripped his ass more firmly. Peter wanted to lose himself in the current pleasure but he couldn't be distracted from what was about to happen. A few moments later, a wet finger brushed over his entrance, making Peter draw in a sharp breath of surprise. Tony shushed into the gentle the gentle kisses he was still leaving on Peter's back. Peter felt an odd mixture of being on edge and completely trusting. He knew that he enjoyed the sensation of that finger now circling, adding only the slightest of pleasure. He wondered if Tony could hear his heart beat from where he was. The hand around Peter's cock increased only slightly in pace, enough to distract Peter momentarily while one finger pushed in slowly and gently. The boy gasped, immediately tensing at the new feeling. It didn't hurt right now. It was just...strange. Tony moved closer behind Peter's back so that he could be heard while he spoke in a quiet tone. "I need you to relax for me," Tony spoke and Peter did his best to comply. His heart already obeying even though his body had a hard time with the same task. Tony began to move his finger in and out at a sluggish pace, letting the boy adjust to the brand new sensation. When Peter seemed relaxed enough, he slowly added a second. This time Peter bit his lip to keep from making any noises. He tried his best to relax, trying to concentrate fully on the hand that was slowly stroking his cock. After a minute, Peter started falling into the rhythm. The quickening pace of Tony's fingers, the feeling of his body shifting its attention back to the main goal of release. He was just started to get used to everything when Tony curled his fingers up, and Peter made a sound so loud it blurred the lines between a moan and a shriek. Tony smiled into the kiss he left on Peter's shoulder. "I said it would be worth it." Peter's lungs demanded air, his mind demanded answers, his body demanded _more_.  
  
"Please, please-please..." He spoke in a broken whisper tone, that was the only thing he could manage as he tried to find anything to hold on to. Tony listened and gave the boy exactly what he wanted. His fingers curled into that spot again and the boy  _shook_ in his arms. Tony continued hitting that spot, speeding up gradually. Peter moaned hopelessly into the pillow. Using the plush surface to ensure that the outside world didn't hear just how much he was enjoying this. He didn't know that something so intense existed, the feeling of Tony's fingers thrusting into his prostate over and over again canceled out any thoughts Peter could have. Replacing them with an overwhelming pleasure. He thrust his hips back to meet Tony's pace, now effectively fucking himself on Tony's fingers. The sight was absolutely sinful. Tony leaned forward, now next to the boy's ear. His hand sped up around Peter's cock, raising the volume to Peter's moans substantially.  
  
"You're so beautiful," Tony said, low and commanding, "You're so good for me." He bit gently into Peter's shoulder, earning a rather feminine moan from the boy. "You can cum for me. You'll look so good cumming on my fingers." Peter's legs trembled, threatening to give way under the stimulation. Tony's thrust his fingers in harder and then suddenly Peter could only see white. Pleasure ran through him, his back arched, now moaning sinfully into the open air. He still pushed back on Tony's fingers, chasing the sensation as it slowly died out. He wanted to be exhausted. He wanted to collapse and fall into sleep. But he couldn't, this time he had to touch Mr. Stark too. He had to make the man feel even a fraction of what he just felt. After a moments rest, Peter turned around to kiss Mr. Stark. His lips still tasted hungry, and Tony would be damned if he didn't give the boy anything he wanted right now. He guided Tony so that he was straddling him again. He could feel the outline of Tony's cock against his ass, he slid back and forth slowly, almost scared to get caught for fear that Tony wouldn't let him continue. Peter spoke, sounding desperate again,  
  
"Mr. Stark please," He said, careful hands sliding down to graze over Tony's bulge. "Let me touch you?" Peter wanted to do more than that, but he would never get his way if he didn't take it slow. Tony nodded in response, standing momentarily to remove his pants and boxers. Peter actually felt his mouth water slightly at the sight of Tony's cock. He wanted so badly to be on his knees in front of him, to be taken for everything he was worth. He didn't know what it was about Mr. Stark that made him want to feel dominated, controlled. Tony sat back down on the edge of the bed. Peter slid off the bed onto his knees, taking his time to remember every image of this moment. He gripped Tony's cock carefully, beginning just how he would if he was touching himself. Tony groaned at the feeling of Peter's hand finally around him. He looked down at Peter, his eye stared up at him searching for signs that he was doing everything right. His gorgeous face begging for approval. Tony thought he had seen all forms of sin, that was before he saw Peter lean forward and give a tentative lick to the tip of his cock. He wanted to close his eyes to enjoy the feeling, but he made himself keep watching, afraid to miss any part of the heavenly sight that was Peter. Peter swirled his tongue around the tip, unsure and hesitant in his own actions. Very slowly, Peter let Tony's cock into his mouth, taking it as far back as it would go until Peter gagged slightly, his own throat establishing a limit. He pulled off slowly, a line of spit still connecting the two of them before he sunk down again repeating the same process without gagging this time. Tony couldn't help but groan at how eager Peter was to do good. That fact alone was enough to make him groan. Peter continued this way only a few times before quickening the pace, triggering his own gag reflex a few more times. Tony ran a guiding hand through Peter's hair, pulling only slightly, but enough to make the boy make a sound. He wanted to fuck into Peter's mouth, but he decided that would be best saved for another day. Peter's youth gave him the advantage of being hard again just from this experience, and Tony wasn't going to let his opportunity go by losing himself into the boy's mouth. He gently pulled Peter's head back, looking at the boy's eyes, dark and lidded, his mouth red and shined with spit.  
  
"Do you want me to fuck you?" Tony asked very clearly, already knowing that Peter would say yes. Peter nodded in response, no longer hesitating with his choices. "Say it...ask me to fuck you." Tony needed to hear Peter ask. He needed to hear Peter will him to take the last piece of innocence he still had. The one thing that would allow Tony to live with himself, was if Peter needed it as bad as him.  
  
"Please..." Peter began, getting back on the bed. "Mr. Stark...I want you to fuck me." Tony watched as the boy laid on his back. He almost felt his mouth drop slightly as he  _watched_ Peter spread his legs slightly. Someone who had never done this before should not know how to look this sexy. Tony assumed it was just in Peter's nature to constantly look like he wanted to be fucked. Everything he did looked sinful...and when he was _trying_...God...Tony knew that Peter was worth this crime. He didn't waste any more time, putting on the condom and lubing up himself and his fingers. He slowly sunk his two fingers back into Peter, this time the boy moaned at the sensation. He stretched his fingers slightly, watching the boy try his hardest to make this look easy. After a few moments, he lined himself up at Peter's entrance.  
  
"Try to relax for me," He said, before pushing in, as slow as he could. Peter pulled Tony closer, holding him hard as he let out little puffs of air, trying to work through the mildly painful sensation of being stretched by someone's cock. Tony exhaled deeply at the feeling of being fully inside Peter, tight heat wrapped around his cock, the boy panting lightly into his ear. At this moment he thanked God for his years of experience that granted him enough control to make this as easy for the boy as possible. Peter didn't feel like crying but his eyes watered anyway. He didn't want to leave bruises on Tony's back from how hard he was holding on, but he did anyway. And after minutes passed by of Tony gently and slowly pulling out only to thrust back in again at the same terribly slow pace, Peter didn't want to thrust his hips forward so desperately...but he did anyway. Tony knew that was his signal to finally move faster. He very carefully began fucking into Peter faster, raising the pace just enough to give Peter what he wanted without taking it too far, too fast. He continued like this for a little longer, he would rather have the boy desperate for more than have him wishing it was over. That planned worked perfectly because seconds later Peter was already asking,  
  
"Please...harder," The words sounded perfect as they escaped Peter's lips. Tony was in control but he still fell at the mercy of Peter's every command. He thrust in once, hard and deep, enough to make Peter  _feel_ it. Peter moaned, his head now pushing back into the mattress. "Yes, again," He said, breathless. Tony did as the boy wished, now thrusting into Peter at a pace that he thought was too reckless but Peter thought it was everything he needed. He reveled in the feeling of his body being pushed into the mattress every time Tony thrust in. He loved how he couldn't think straight everytime Tony curved his hips up to hit that spot again. Tony was beginning to unravel, he could only handle paradise for so long. He wrapped his hand around the boy's cock again, making Peter's eye's flutter shut and his mouth open. Peter tried to say something but it just sounded like a blur to both of them as they moved their bodies together, chasing the release that they each wanted. Peter came first, for the second time that afternoon, his nails probably leaving marks on Tony's back, his moan loud enough to drag Tony down into pleasure with him. They both rode out their high, clumsy hips moving together, hands gripping for stability, lungs gasping for air. Tony rolled off, lying to the side of Peter, who was now thoroughly wrecked. His eyes were already closed again, sleep finally catching up to him almost immediately after he used up the last of his energy. Tony wasn't such a terrible person that he would wake Peter up and ask him to leave. So instead he ran a hand through the mess of Peter's hair and looked at the boy's peaceful expression. He closed his eye's too, letting the soundtrack of their recent affairs playback in his head. Just as he expected, loud enough to drown out his tortured thoughts...just for a little while.


	9. First, Next, Then, Last

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FORGIVE ME! I know that I took much longer to update than I anticipated and I'm so sorry to anyone who has been waiting! Life got busier than I expected and I just couldn't find the time to sit down and write a chapter with the quality that you guys deserve. But here I am, back again. This time I have a shorter chapter for you guys but It was pretty heavy to write and frankly, I couldn't manage any more of it today...hehe. Anyways, I hope you enjoy, feel free to yell at me in the comments for taking so long! <3

Tony opened his eye's. First, they traveled to the ceiling, examining the eggshell creme color like he hadn't already done it a million times before. Next, he looked at the windows, he watched the golden-orange 5 o'clock sunlight beam valiantly through the sheer curtains. Then he looked at himself, naked and slightly cold, with a mild headache that was begging to be eased by aspirin or alcohol. Last, he looked at the boy. The boy was sleeping with a gentle expression and heavy breaths. Peter was naked and curled in on himself slightly, one of the sunlight beams cast its light on his hip bone. The best way to describe what Tony was feeling would be to picture yourself in the middle of a tornado. An uneasy and deceptive calm, waiting to be barrelled through by a sea of destruction and havoc. He looked at Peter's face, still stunning in the most vulnerable of times. He knew he would have to wake him soon, Aunt May would get suspicious if Peter wasn't home for dinner on a Saturday evening.  
  
He grazed his hand across the warm spot on Peter's hip where the sun had been shining. He trailed it up his side and rested it gently on the boy's forearm, which he squeezed lightly.  
  
"Peter..." Tony's voice rolled out as soft as the dust that was floating in the rays of light. He saw the boy's eyes move under his eyelids, sleep slowly retreating to allow reality to return again. Peter opened his eye's slowly, they were slightly red and accompanied by a touch of confusion. His eye's darted around the room, taking in his surroundings and trying to find answers without asking them. Tony spoke again, already aware of what Peter might say next, "We fell asleep...only for a few hours, it's only 5." Tony watched the boy's expression calm, his lovely features stretched momentarily behind a yawn. They looked at each other for a moment, the absence of words was unsettling for both of them. Tony could feel the winds in the center of his tornado get stronger, his calm was approaching the end. He smiled at Peter, an almost painful smile as he stood to get dressed. Peter sat up on the bed looking around for his clothes, and slowly coming back to reality. They were both dressed in a few minutes and they walked quietly back out to the living room where Tony offered Peter a glass of water which he predictably declined. The seconds flew by and Peter was getting noticeably anxious, Tony could always tell the exact second that Peter was going to speak.  
  
"Mr. Stark?" Peter asked, his voice still a little scratchy from the sleep and the vocal heights he had reached just a few hours ago. "Was that...just..." Peter looked around, hand's fisted and brow's tense, "Was that just a one-time thing...for you? I mean...god I completely expect it to be but if it is I would really like to hear you say it y'know? Just so I know what to expect from here on out. Just tell me and I won't be clingy about any of it. It's probably already really clingy that I'm even asking bu-" Tony but in, whenever the boy started reaching his insecurities while rambling, that was usually the time to cut him off.  
  
"Peter." It sounded a little more impatient than he had intended it to. "I think, that you should go home to your Aunt, have a lovely dinner there, and just enjoy the rest of your weekend." He looked at the boy's expression which had not been reassured in the slightest by Tony's words. He couldn't watch Peter walk out of here thinking that he wasn't worth anything more than a one-night-stand that took place in the afternoon. He knew that would affect him in a way that would ultimately be bad for both of them. And if it was even possible, Tony would do his best to try and get Peter out of this without any lasting scars. Tony started talking again, this time unsteady and unrehearsed. "Look...what we just did, don't get me wrong, I loved every second of it," Tony gestured with his hands while he spoke, "But you and I both know that it's not something we should ever plan to happen again." Peter looked tired and broken, like a child at the end of a long day. Every now and then his fleeting adolescence would peek through for just a moment to melt Tony's logical exterior. "But we both know that we can't guarantee it won't happen again..." Tony added hesitantly. "I can't answer your question because honestly, I don't know. So I'm asking you, for now, to please go home, get some sleep, enjoy your weekend, and come back on Monday...if you'll have me." Tony phrased it as if he was the burden in Peter's life. As if he was the one that could be easily replaced at the tip of a hat. Peter could only manage to nod. Tony walked Peter to the elevator, they both stood there looking at each other, until Peter tumbled forward for a hug. Tony hugged him back...because it was the right thing to do. They sat there hugging long enough for the elevator to make its way up. The doors slid open, beckoning Peter to let go. Tony thought about what they would look like to any onlooker at the moment...A father comforting his son. That thought disturbed Tony enough for him to finally pull away from the embrace. Peter stepped into the elevator and waved a gentle goodbye. Tony waved back while watching the doors slowly slide shut. He walked quickly back to his kitchen. His heart rate spiked as soon as the boy was out of his sight. Mistakes haunt you, and this mistake was certainly going to follow him until his death. Death was almost what he hoped for at this point. The tornado had finally caught up to him. His brain was blowing him away with the harsh winds of reality. His hands shook, his body felt clammy, and once again he raised a glass of whiskey in defeat to his tortured mind. many glasses and a few hours later, he took out his phone again. Staring longingly at Steve's contact. The heavy filter of alcohol made the call button seem inviting enough to press. The phone rang...once...twice...four times. And just as Tony was about to hang up Steve answered. Concern already prevalent in his tone. Tony would usually do his best to convince him that there was nothing to be concerned about...but this time he wasn't strong enough.  
  
"Steve..." He said, despair dripping off his tone. "I fucked up...and unlike most things, I can't fix it." He stared at the phone, Steve was still quiet, clearly thinking about how to best address the situation. Tony laughed bitterly into his glass as he raised it for another drink.  
  
  
"Tony...what happened?" Steve played it safe with his question, or what he thought was safe. Tony scoffed again, mocking the possibility of telling anyone about his disgusting actions. There wasn't any universe where Tony would be able to tell Steve that the real problem was that he was an alcoholic who had severe depression and stress  _and_ just fucked a fifteen-year-old boy who idolizes him in an attempt drown his problems, before finally crashing and getting wasted on expensive whiskey. So Tony answered,  
  
"I can't tell you that..." Steve was confused and now even more concerned for Tony's well being. His intoxication was starting to seep through in his words.  
  
"Tony I can't help you if you don-" Steve was cut off by Tony who suddenly sounded defensive and angry.  
  
"You can't help me!" Tony began yelling and his logic was too clouded for anything to stop him. "You could never help me! The one thing you could have done to help me is already long gone and now I am too. By the way? Are you happy, wherever you are?" Every word Tony spoke was bitter and guarded with knives. "Because I hope you're happy since you left me here to rot with the knowledge of my parents death and the scraps of the Avengers. I really hope you're happy that I'm now so god damned unstable and fucked up that I just..." Tony paused. The only sound that came through on Steves end was Tony's heavy breathing.  
  
"That you just what?" Steve asked, setting aside how annoyed he was in attempts to still help Tony.  
  
"It doesn't make a difference. Nothing does." Tony tried pouring himself another glass, half of which ended up on the table. "Nothing matters...Because I'm alone, and I'm one of the most fucked up people out there, and it doesn't matter because to some of those people...I'm God. I'm their _hero_...and that's why I'm going to wait to fucking die every day so that they can live the rest of their lives peacefully while I sacrifice everything so that someone can find their fucking happiness." It was quiet. Steve didn't say anything, Tony didn't have any more to say. The silence was undisturbed aside from the quiet patter of spilled whiskey dripping off the marble counter. Tony watched the drips collect into a golden brown puddle on the floor.  
  
"Tony..." Steve's voice was breathy, "Please call someone, please have someone come and take care of you tonight..." Tony turned to the phone for the last time.  
  
"There's no one to call." Tony hung up then. He picked up his glass and shuffled into his room. He leaned on the walls for support as he made his way through the mansion. He placed his glass on the nightstand then flopped onto his bed face up. 

First, he looked at the ceiling, the eggshell creme color undetectable in the current lighting. Next, he looked at the windows, the faint glow of the city casting its sleepless light on the walls of his room, and illuminating his sheer curtains. Then,  he looked at his addiction, the honey colored alcohol, lit up by an electric alarm clock that read 8:36 pm, the numbers and colors were warped and blurred behind the glass. Last, he looked at the empty spot on his bed, mental images flooded in, of the last thing that Tony could hold on to, and the last thing he would ruin. Peter.


	10. Maybe It Was For The Best

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, I promise this is the last short chapter...I also can tell you it doesn't get any happier from this point on. So...if you want to escape all the devastating feels then now is the time to jump ship.....ok for those of you who are sticking with me to the end...cry with me...

It was 5:40, Peter had just left the Stark tower. The lines between his eyes grew deeper as Peter frowned in the sunlight. He felt the beams shine right through his body like they were exposing how fragile he truly was. He thought about what Mr. Stark had said to him...to go home, enjoy the rest of his weekend. Peter wasn't sure if he could. Granted, Tony hadn't actually said that it was just a one-time thing but, it sure felt that way. It felt like one of those moments when someone makes a promise they've already broken a million times. You want to believe it because the words sound so pretty...but you're smarter than that. Peter even hugged Tony before he left. He thought maybe if he stood there, holding on to Tony for long enough that he would convince himself that it was going to be ok. But it felt empty. It made him feel even weaker, for enjoying the contact so much. He didn't understand why he still wanted Mr. Stark so badly...even though he knew that the feelings weren't mutual. To Tony Peter was just an option, something that would make him feel better for a short time. To Peter Tony was a necessity.  
  
As Happy pulled up to take Peter home, he felt his heart sink further into oblivion. He winced as he shuffled into the backseat, his body still dealing with the aftermath of his recent activities. Peter let his forehead fall against the cool glass of the car window. He shut his eyes, he didn't want to see the street lamps and the people whizzing by, they were all just a distraction from this moment. He didn't know what he was expecting. To wake up next to Tony and cuddle? To go to dinner with him? To suddenly be in a healthy relationship because they fucked once? He let himself be interrogated by his own thoughts. He reminded himself that he  _should_ be feeling happy. After all, it's not every day that someone gets to sleep with their idol.    
  
Just as suddenly as Peter had gotten into the car, they had arrived at his apartment once again. He didn't say goodbye to Happy, he just got out. He walked up the stairs. One at a time. He stopped in front of his apartment door. He knew that Aunt May would be inside and he wouldn't have much time after this to be alone. He looked down at his shoes. Before he knew it, the vision of his sneakers was getting blurred through the glassy filter of his tears. He watched helplessly as his tears dripped off his face and onto the floor. He felt so out of control. He got everything he wanted, yet he felt so empty. He got everything he asked for, yet he felt so _used_. Another tear drop landed on the floor, Peter thought that it looked pretty and perfect against the scratched wood flooring. So perfect, yet there it was...next to the stained and broken.  
  
Peter's heart ached for everything. He almost wanted to reverse the past few hours. To never let it happen. But a bigger part of him just wanted to go back. He just wanted to feel Tony touch him, he wanted to feel his body next to him. Peter had grown to crave the emptiness behind Tony's enticing touches. The emptiness that was cleverly masked behind fingers that traced a thousand other emotions besides the ones they were actually feeling. Peter didn't want to feel like such an adult right now. He wanted to go back to his friends and be giddy with them about losing his virginity. He wanted to go home and feel like more of a man because now he had experience. But he was a fifteen-year-old, in a forty-year-old's situation. Unfortunately, he was starting to feel it. He swallowed the desperate lump in his throat that begged for the attention of Mr. Stark. He used the back of his sleeves to wiped the tears from his cheeks. He unlocked the door, stepping on the tear drops as he walked inside.  
  
Aunt May was on the couch, watching the news, just as expected. Peter didn't say anything until she noticed him.  
  
"Hey! Where were you all day?" Peter shrugged at the question and Aunt May decided that getting the real answer wasn't worth it. "Anyways..." She turned off the TV and got up to get her purse and shoes. "I'm going out to get dinner, wanna come with and then watch a movie back here?" Peter nodded, he threw in a small smile for effect. Dinner was ok. Aunt May put in her best effort to fill the silence with whatever chatter she could. When they were finally home and halfway through the movie, Peter was just starting to think that he might have a chance of surviving the day. That was before May started talking again.  
  
"Peter, what is going on?" She paused the movie right after her question. "You've been so quiet for the past few weeks, and trust me, I've heard you babble about different types of sandwiches for 20 minutes so I know something's up." She looked at Peter with a sarcastic smile. He couldn't help but smile back. Peter had to swallow hard to keep that smile from turning into a broken sob. May noticed his expression fade away. "Listen," She rubbed his arm while she spoke, "You can tell me if there's something going on...something serious. I'm just worried that you're going through something and you're not letting me help you. Remember I'm here ok?" Peter's heart trembled, his body was still.  
  
"Thanks May...I'm ok." He managed to get those words out, he tried to add enough humanity behind them to make it sound believable. May nodded, she still looked concerned but Peter had her convinced enough to ignore it. Peter needed to be alone again. "You mind if I turn in early?" May hummed a response and Peter walked into his room. His door shut gently and his emotions hit hard. He was crying uncontrollably within seconds. He looked at his phone. It was 8:36 pm. Peter felt toxic. He knew that the only reason he felt this way was because of Mr. Stark. He also knew that Mr. Stark was the only person he wanted right now. He wished that he had never left the tower earlier. Everything would have been ok if he had just stayed. If he could have just been in Tony's presence for longer if he had just said that it was alright.  He didn't know what he was doing, but he was now texting Tony.  
  
- _I need you_...  
  
Minutes flew by and no response. This reality was too much for Peter to handle. The reality where he was just a booty call that couldn't get his emotions together. This wasn't the reality that he wanted to live in. He needed Mr. Stark to change it. He still didn't know what he was doing, but he was now calling Tony. The phone rang forever, the sound became monotonous, the repetitive tone was finally broken by the answering machine. Peter repeated the words of his text, his voice came out broken and pathetic into the phone. More minutes went by. Peter wanted to scream. The one person who could fix him and break him better than anyone else wasn't here for him.  
  
The next call Peter made, was the healthiest decision he had made in a month. In that call, he told someone exactly what had happened. In that call, someone told him that it wasn't ok. In that call, someone had the reaction that anyone would expect. Maybe that was a good thing. Maybe it was good that Tony was passed out drunk in the tower. Maybe it was good that Peter couldn't restart the vicious cycle. Maybe it was good that Peter finally realized he needed help. Maybe it was for the best that Peter called Ned...


	11. An Outstanding Performance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> oooooh, it hurts...But here we are, 2 more chapters to go...I'll survive writing it if you survive reading it. <3

Tony woke up with a start. Blood pounded into his head, his fragile veins struggled to support the rough thudding of his heart beat. He knew exactly where he was but he still felt lost. He couldn't remember getting here, or exactly what he did. The last thing he remembered was Peter leaving and whiskey...lots of whiskey. He looked at the clock, his only source of stable ground. It displayed a bright 10:15 AM.  Tony sat up, immediately cradling his head in his hands. He tried his best to think even though the sounds of his own body functioning tried their best to drown it out. He slowly felt around the bed for his phone. The morning definitely did not get any better when he saw 1 text, a missed call, and a voicemail from Peter. Tony's heart finally skipped a beat of its incessant pounding when he read the words. "I need you..." It took Tony a moment to process the weight of the situation. While the wheels in his head started turning slowly, he raised the phone to his ear to listen to the voicemail. Peter's voice came through quietly, it was scratchy and breaking. That was the voice of someone who had, no doubt, been crying for too long.  
  
Of course, after hearing this the first thing Tony considered was himself. He thought about how bad it was to have an emotional teenager out there without support, hiding the sins of the last evening behind his innocent eyes and nervous ramblings. That situation was indeed...messy. Then he thought about Peter, the part of his heart that cared for the boy knew that this problem wasn't going to resolve itself. He tried calling back, at least 2 times. But there was no answer...and Tony wasn't going to accept the lack of answers right now. Tony sat up slowly and called for a ride on his way out of the Stark Tower. He didn't bother to get changed or fix his appearance in any way, there wasn't time for that. His body pleaded for mercy as he rushed down the stairs and out of the building into the car that was waiting for him. There was no way to be sure exactly why Tony was leaving in a hurry. To save himself or to save Peter? I suppose answering that question doesn't matter anyway, considering he was already too late to do either.  
  
Last night, Peter had called Ned. Peter clicked on Ned's contact, his hands trembling almost as fiercely as his shaky breaths. Ned answered, with a cheery tone in his voice. Peter didn't say anything for a moment, he sat in silence as Ned prattled on about a few things that didn't even require a hello from Peter. Finally, Ned came to a pause, he took a breath and simply asked, "So what's up?" Peter inhaled as evenly as possible, he already knew that Ned would hear him cry that night but he wanted to prolong the inevitable as much as he could.  
  
"Ned...I think I made a mistake." Peter's throat tightened immediately, but he swallowed away the shame. It was too soon to break down.  
  
"What're you talking about Peter?" Ned asked, his voice still casual in nature.  
  
"You know that Stark internship I've been at recently?" Ned answered with a simple sound and Peter continued. "Well..." Peter didn't know why he felt like he was sitting in a confessional all of a sudden. Like a pastor was waiting on the other side to silently judge him but forgive him anyway. "Mr. Stark and I have gotten closer recently..." Peter cringed at his own careful use of words. It was obvious to Ned that he was dancing around the real issue here.  
  
"What's going on Peter?" He finally seemed to be in the serious state of mind that Peter needed. It was time to tell someone. It was time to not be alone.  
  
"We had sex," Peter said it. Three words that carried a novel of back story, emotions, and consequences. Peter was quiet, his eyes were puffy from crying even though they threatened to drop tears again at any moment. Ned didn't say anything still, so Peter continued. "I told him that I wanted to, it was my fault. I shouldn't have gone after it before I was really sure, I don't know why I even tried, I didn't think about it I just went for it and it happened. But I'm not sure about it anymore..." Peter stopped, to breathe and to wiped away the tears distracting him from telling a cohesive story. "I-I guess it didn't turn out like I'd hoped..." His voice was now breaking, betraying how upset he truly was. He thought that maybe if he talked fast then his emotions wouldn't be able to catch up with him. That plan failed. "I don't know what I'd hoped...I made a mistake Ned..." There was more silence. Peter didn't know what to do with all the silence, it was too much. It was unbearable like it was clawing into his body not leaving room for anything else. "Please say something." Peter finally said, praying that Ned would just make any noise so that he didn't feel so naked and stupid.  
  
"Peter..." Ned basically exhaled his name. Peter was almost scared of his tone, it sounded serious...too serious. "You need to tell somebody." Ned was right...but that wasn't what Peter wanted to hear.  
  
"You are my somebody!" Peter tried his best to talk louder but his voice cracked under the pressure.  
  
"No Peter, you need to tell somebody who can help you. This isn't ok, you're going to tell someone else right?"  
  
"Who-else do I tell Ned? I don't want to get Mr. Stark in trouble I jus-"  
  
"Peter! You have to tell Aunt May or anybody! He took advantage of you, this is serious, you have to say something to the police or any-" Peter cut Ned off, his voice now being powered by pure shock and panic.  
  
" _The police_?" Peter spat out the words like they were a foreign language. "Ned I'm  _not_ talking to the police. Like I said, I don't want to get Mr. Stark in trouble. I only told you about this because I thought you would be there for me. I didn't think you'd blow this up so far." Peter was almost on the edge of annoyed. Peter understood everything Ned was saying, but he refused to believe it.  
  
"I  _am_ being there for you Peter. I'm being there for you by telling you that Mr. Stark isn't as great as you think he is ok? I can't just let this go." Peter felt the walls of his heart hardening, blocking off all the things that Ned was implying. He didn't want to hear Ned slandering Mr. Stark's name, he wasn't a bad man...It didn't matter if Mr. Stark had used him. It didn't matter how old they were. None of it mattered. What mattered was, Peter, made a mistake, he misread the situation and he got himself hurt. He did it. He refused to accept that he was the  _victim_ here. It disgusted him.  
  
"Ned no! Listen to me Ned, you can't tell anyone ok? Just forget I told you this, it was my fault, Ned, I'm serious I wanted this to happen just please don't tell anyone ok?" Peter waited on the edge of his seat, Ned already knew that he was Spiderman, it wouldn't be too insane to assume that he could keep one more secret.  
  
"Peter...I don't think I can do that." Apparently, it was insane. "I know you don't get it right now but this is way bigger than what you're telling me." Peter's heart threatened to start an earthquake. This couldn't be it. This couldn't all fall apart here. Peter could feel everything pulling at the seams. All the threads were coming undone, one by one...just so Peter could watch.  
  
"Ned, no...please Ned-" Ned cut in, understanding what Peter couldn't.  
  
  
"I have to go, Peter...please tell someone before I have to..." The click that followed after sounded like a death sentence to Peter. Everything that Ned said, sounded cruel and icy. Peter was too deep in this to see the surface anymore. He couldn't see why this is everything he needed. He sat in silence, staring at nothing in particular. After moments flew by of him sitting in checkmate, he fell down on his bed. Finally backed into the corner, everything was out of his hands now. What had happened was set in stone, everyone's ending had already been written, and the roles that everyone would play had been decided from the start.  
  
But that was last night. Now, Tony was rushing to Peter's apartment, urging the driver to go as fast as possible. As soon as they arrived Tony jumped out of the car and rushed up the steps as fast as his hungover body would carry him. He knocked on the door, a little too aggressively to not raise some suspicion. Aunt May opened the door, clearly taken aback by Tony's sudden and unannounced presence.  
  
"Is Peter here?" He asked quickly, trying to compose himself so that this didn't look like an emergency.  
  
"Yeah...yeah he's in his room, is there something wrong?" She looked confused as she opened the door to let Tony in.  
  
"No! No, just something came up at the lab and I needed to tell Peter about it right away. It's all very complicated tech-ish stuff really." Tony rolled his eyes for effect as he backed towards Peter's door. "Is it cool if I go in?" He asked, pointing towards the door.  
  
"Yeah...yeah that's fine," May said as she watched Tony enter in a hurry. As soon as he was in the room, he closed and locked the door and then turned his eyes to the boy who was sitting on his bed, in pajamas, hair dripping wet.  
  
"Mr-Mr. Stark...what are you doi-" Tony interrupted Peter, he already knew the questions Peter was going to ask and it would be faster if he automatically answered them.  
  
"I got your text...and your message." Tony looked over his shoulder, almost like the walls were watching him. "I tried to call you back but you didn't answer, so I'm here now." Tony examined the bags under Peter's eyes as if he needed any more confirmation that he had been upset.  
  
"Sorry...I was in the shower." Peter ran a towel over his hair.  
  
"Yeah I can see that, listen, is everything ok? I thought that you were fine yesterday when you left, was I wrong there?" Peter's eyes shot to the floor. He didn't know how to tell Tony that he wasn't ok, he also didn't know how to slip in the fact that his best friend was about to tell authorities about the crime they had committed and probably ruin the rest of their lives.  
  
"I just...I wanted..." Peter tried his best to find words that wouldn't make him sound childish. "I just wanted it to be different...after I left I just felt...kinda pointless and used." Tony was speechless. He didn't know the right answer to this...he didn't know if there was one. He did know how uncomfortable he felt hearing Peter say the  _exact_ truth out loud.  
  
"Peter..." Tony sat next to Peter and placed a hand on his shoulder, almost like the first day they had met. "I didn't know what to tell you after that. I wish I had done things...differently. You're certainly not pointless, and I don't want you to think that-" Tony heard a small voice in his head warning him that he was about to lie. He lied anyways. "I don't want you to think that I'm just using you, you're more than that. You're better." He pulled Peter into a hug. Once again he felt very fatherly and troubled. Is this really who he was now? He thought over all the words that could describe what he had become. Broken, miserable, needy, unstable, alcoholic, liar, manipulator, pedophile. His thoughts were interrupted by Peter, who was now shaking in his arms. He pulled away, only to see that Peter was crying uncontrollably. "What's wrong? Hey, hey what's wrong?" He asked, his hands were now on Peter's arms.  
  
"I'm sorry Mr. Stark..." Peter sobbed out. Tony's eyes searched the boy's face frantically. "I told Ned...that we..." Tony had never felt one emotion strike him so hard in his entire life. It felt like a truck of realization just ran into him. He didn't even need to listen to Peter to know what he was about to say next. Tony just watched Peter's lips move, as all his sins raced to catch him. "I think he's going to tell someone...I'm so sorry, I didn't think..." Peter stopped, he was expecting Tony to be angry, sad, anything. All he saw was that emptiness that he had become so familiar with. He called Tony by his first name, he saved that sentiment for serious times. "Tony?" Peter asked, his eyes searching for something. Tony looked at the boy, there he was...eyes glassy, face red, still so innocent...beautiful. Tony was almost moved to tears as he sat in the presence of the only thing that he knew to be perfection. He knew it wasn't too late for Peter to find a good ending. He knew that his own time in the sun was over. He leaned in and gave Peter a gentle kiss on the forehead. If Peter was lucky, maybe this would be the last time he would have to face a villain this terrible. Tony stood up, even though Peter was still confused and cautious.  
  
"I have to go," Tony said, looking at the boy with a goodbye heavy in his eyes. "I don't think you should come to the tower tomorrow morning...maybe just lay low for awhile."  
  
"What's going to happen?" Peter couldn't accept that this would end here...he didn't want to. Tony knew he couldn't say that. These words were probably going to be the last that he spoke to Peter for a long time. So he said the one thing that he knew would still be true.  
  
"You're going to be better..."


	12. Break The Cast, Burn The Crutches

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy shit, we only have one more chapter to go! I don't even know what to say about this anymore so just sit back and try not to let these last chapters break you as much as they break me to write. Cheers, <3

Peter could barely sleep that night. The words Tony had last said to him continuously echoed through his thoughts, keeping him awake. He stayed up until he saw the sunbeams sluggishly creep in through his dusty window. Moments later his alarm went off, signaling it was time to wake up. He hit the button on his alarm and sat up on the edge of his bed. For someone who claimed to be a superhero, he couldn't help but start to notice how weak he was becoming. He looked at himself in the bathroom mirror moments later. His shoulders were slumped due to the fact that he didn't have enough spirit to raise them. Noticeable bags had formed under his eyes, proudly displaying how little sleep he had been getting.  
  
Peter felt aimless. Everything he did from last night forward felt so different. Turning on the shower and stepping in even felt like it lacked a purpose. On a normal day, no, on a good day, he would be rushing through his morning routine. He would try his best to mentally force school to go by faster, all because he knew he would see Tony just a few hours later. Now he didn't even know when they would see each other next. It terrified him that occasionally he would consider  _if_ they would even see each other again. He only entertained this idea for so long before insisting that he wouldn't let that happen.  
  
  
The fact was, Peter, didn't even have time to be sad right now. He had bigger fish to fry. More specifically; Ned. He  _had_ to find a way to convince Ned not to tell anyone, that was non-negotiable. When Peter finally arrived at school he hesitantly approached Ned and MJ, who were both leaning against locker's which likely didn't belong to them. MJ greeted Peter in her usual rough manner. Ned did all he could to act normal, and it was making the situation painfully not-normal. When Peter finally looked directly into Ned's eyes he saw an emotion that he could only describe as pity. It was disgusting.  
  
The day went by as well as one could expect, although Peter was just waiting for the perfect time to approach Ned. The last class was dismissed and Peter saw his chance. Ned was going to walk home and Peter quickly offered to walk with him. The two boys walked in silence for most of the way, until Peter realized he was running out of time. He forced air out of his lungs and hoped that his vocal cords would pick something up along the way.  
  
"Ned..." The cadence of his voice made it clear where he was going with this conversation. Ned looked back at him with concerned eyes. "Please..." That word was all that Peter could manage. They both knew what he was asking, saying more wasn't necessary. Peter saw Ned stop and turn to him.  
  
"Peter, what do you want me to do?" Ned's words sounded frustrated but his voice was gentle. "I know that you think it would be best if we didn't say anything but I just need you to think about this." Peter didn't say anything, he was afraid his voice would break if he dared to test it. "He already hurt you, Peter..." Ned's eyes traveled off into the distance as if he was trying to dismiss what he was about to say next. "What if...What if he does this to someone else?"  
  
Peter looked up at Ned in sudden horror. That question was loaded with implications that Peter refused to listen to. "What the hell are you trying to say, Ned? W-What, what do you think? You think he just fucks kids in his spare time? Is that it?" Peter's burning eyes darted around the street, trying to determine if anyone noticed his sudden outburst.  
  
"I don't know Peter! I don't know anything about him! You never told me anything about him so all I know is that he's responsible for hurting you and that he should have known better." Peter was silenced at that statement. "God Peter...was it your idea? Was it his?" Peter desperately wanted to say that it was his idea...but after reflecting on the conversation between him and Mr. Stark...he didn't even know anymore. Ned stared at Peter, waiting for a response that wasn't going to come anytime soon. They walked in silence again, until they finally were at the door of Ned's house. Peter was staring at the sidewalk, it was the only thing he could stand to look at.  
  
Ned wanted to help so badly. He always thought that Peter and him had been so close. Ned was now starting to second guess himself, considering if he had said the right things...if he had been a good friend. "Peter..." He said, placing an awkward hand on Peter's shoulder. He only felt worse when Peter winced away from the touch, he could never understand how that same touch had affected Peter's life drastically. He pulled back his hand and continued, "I won't tell anyone...if you can promise me one thing." Peter looked up at Ned with desperation in his eyes. "Promise me you won't see Tony again?"  
  
Peter was now staring back in awe. He couldn't say yes...he wasn't strong enough. He needed...he needed...  
  
"Ned...I can't...I can't Ned please, I can't..." Peter didn't feel like he was crying, but regardless he felt a hot tear race down his cheek. Peter stared, desperately trying to understand why Ned couldn't  _see_ what he was doing.  
  
In reality, Ned could see everything that Peter couldn't. He could see his friend crying on the sidewalk. Crying...because he was too unstable to imagine being without the person who had hurt him. Ned could see Peter begging to be let back into the arms of someone who didn't deserve him. Ned could see his friend who was, no doubt, manipulated into the worst decision of his life. Ned could see that if he let this continue...maybe Peter would get cut too deep. He couldn't let that happen.  
  
"Then I have to say something, Peter..." Peter turned away from those words. He didn't say goodbye to Ned, he just began walking home. He could feel the gaping void in his body consume every breath he took. Truthfully, Peter was scared by how empty he felt.  He couldn't remember when he let Tony become such a big part of his life. He couldn't remember when he let Tony  _become_ his life. He asked himself the same questions over and over. Why did I let this happen? Why couldn't I have done it differently? Why can't I fix this? There were no answers to those questions because, this time, it wasn't Peter's fault.  
  
The next day, Ned told his parents. Then, Ned's parents told Aunt May. Peter knew exactly what had happened when May entered his room without knocking and didn't do anything but hug him. After a long time, she finally spoke.  
  
"I'm going to fix this." That was all she said. Peter was even more terrified by those words, but he didn't dare to resist anymore. Every terrible step he had taken in the last few days burned with a fire that was too great to describe. But somehow he couldn't bring himself to try and stop it. Somewhere deep in the flames, it felt good. He thought maybe he was broken for feeling that way, but it didn't matter.  
  
Despite any feelings, it was undeniable that he still needed one thing. He needed to see Tony again. Peter wasn't sure if seeing Mr. Stark would make everything worse...but he needed him, just one more time. He needed those empty eyes to fill his empty soul, just once more. He decided that first thing in the morning he would go to Stark tower and beg Tony to hold him one last time. He closed his eyes, thinking about tomorrow...  
  
But tomorrow would be too late.


	13. The End of Their Beginning

It had been 2 days since Tony had last seen Peter. In those short days, he didn't do anything but wait. It was obvious that the secret was out. He could deduce that the same secret would be out on a worldwide level soon enough. The time had come for Tony to look at all his options.  
  
He could run away, becoming a criminal and an escapee. For a man that had as much money as him, and the resources that he had this option would be incredibly easy. At least then he would have more common ground with his old friend Steve.  He could try to use his status to save his ass by paying people off, threatening officials, and ironically corrupting his way into innocence. If he took that approach, the world wouldn't forget...but the law would. His last option was to simply wait and do nothing. He could allow himself to reap the consequences of everything he's done.  
  
That was the best option in Tony's mind. He had finally reached the point where he was finished. He thought about what he had left to fight for. His reputation? That would be gone as soon as he was arrested. His family? Never had one. The Avengers? Falling apart at the seams. Pepper? He threw her away for a fifteen-year-old boy. His friends? He didn't know who they were at this point. His fans? They didn't know the first thing about who they claimed to love. His own life? He wanted to end that ages ago... Peter? His heart finally twitched at that thought. As sick as it was to admit, Peter was the one thing he would fight for. Unfortunately, Peter was also the one thing he couldn't fight for.  
  
Tony had accepted his fate. He waited for officers to pour into his mansion at any moment. He felt strangely aware of every second that ticked by. It was a sickly sweet feeling, knowing that his life would cease to exist at any given moment. It was like a loud-quiet, a hard-soft, a chaotic-peace. He reminded himself that this is what he deserved. This is what he wanted. Everything he had done for the past few months of his life had been nothing but self-destructive. He had every opportunity to help himself. He had every opportunity to get help. He had every opportunity to be the hero. But he let himself be the villain. It's what he _wanted_...  
  
His passion to extinguish his own flame was finally going to pay off. His punishment would almost be a reward at this point. He realized now that no one could have ever given him the help that he needed. Because he just wanted someone to end it, and he could do that all on his own. He briefly considered just killing himself. Instead of watching the theatricals of his reputation and life crumbling he could just end it right now. This thought didn't make it too far before he realized that even he was too much of a coward to take his own life. So he sat and he waited. It would all be over soon.  
  
Meanwhile, the world was busier than ever planning the downfall of Tony. Of course, officers couldn't just barge in the tower on their own and arrest the man that could end their life on the slightest whim. So they needed reinforcements. More specifically, they needed help. Government officials contacted Vision and recruited him to ensure that Mr. Starks arrest would go smoothly. Vision agreed, only under the assumption that Tony was innocent and that he would prove it shortly. Of course, that assumption would later be revealed as false. Officers were being prepared for crowd control. No doubt, there would be reporters and tabloids swarming the tower within minutes of seeing officers enter the building. Actions were already in progress within the blink of an eye. The political situation was already delicate for the Avengers and the heroes of the world. This was the cherry on the cake.  In just a few hours the biggest scandal of the year would take the world by storm. The only person ready for it was Tony.  
  
Peter knew what was going to happen but he was far from ready. He also knew that he was going to allow it to happen. He didn't try to stop Aunt May, he wouldn't try to stop the police. He was going to do absolutely nothing. He wouldn't admit to anyone that he felt too weak to even try. Everyone said this was the right thing. Everyone told him that it would get better after this. And even though he wanted to stop everything, he just... _couldn't_. Unfortunately, Peter never took into account how little time he had.  
  
The next day, Peter was in the back of a taxi. He was headed to Stark tower to say goodbye. He watched cars go by, not realizing that he was on the way to finish something that had already ended. Maybe it was for the best that Peter never got to give Tony the goodbye he wanted. Peter's world ended when he stepped out of the taxi and saw more than 20 people standing with microphones and cameras around the front of Stark Tower. He felt his heart sink into oblivion. He walked forward slowly, his life shattering behind him. With every step closer to the crowd Peter could feel part of himself being left behind. All the sound seemed to fade away as he pushed his way between reporters and concerned citizens. People were lit up in red and blue from the police cars parked nearby. Finally, Peter made it to the front of the crowd before he was stopped again. An officer held him back when he attempted to get further. He didn't feel like he was in control anymore. He body moved closer on its own, his heart was the operator for his legs. When the officer was distracted for a moment, Peter bolted. He ran inside, his heart pounded as it commanded he find Tony. There wasn't time for the elevator...he took the stairs.  
  
Peter didn't know what he would achieve by seeing Tony. Regardless, he ran up the stairs...3 at a time. Despite how quickly he was moving, everything felt so slow. Maybe if he was fast enough he could make the world stop...just for a moment. When he finally got to the last flight of stairs. He came to an abrupt halt. He gazed at the suddenly intimidating steps. He reluctantly put one foot forward. His heart dropped with every second. Each step passed by...1 at a time. His surge of denial was wearing off as he finally realized what he was climbing to. He was climbing to the end. It was an upward climb to the lowest point in his life. His eye's felt glassy, threatening to cry at any moment. A crystal tear hit the top step in time with Peter's foot. He pushed open the door at the top of the stairs and stumbled into a room that was too familiar. He moved mechanically down the long hallway. Taking the same footsteps he had taken tons of times before. He stood in front of the last doorway, far enough so that it wouldn't open for him. He had never felt smaller in his life. He had never felt so deeply that he wasn't ready. He wasn't ready. He wasn't ready.  
  
The doors slid open. All eyes in the room snapped towards him. The only eyes he saw were Tony's. They were empty. Peter felt paralyzed in that moment. He couldn't move.  
  
"Someone get that kid outta' here?" An officer commanded. Peter's eyes were still locked on Tony's. Neither of them made a move. Peter was still stuck until he saw the handcuffs click around Tony's wrists. Something inside Peter started screaming. They needed to wait. They needed to hear him.  
  
"No..." Peter's voice was weak and broken. No one heard him. Next, he felt Vision's hand on his shoulder, trying to guide him out of the picture. He wasn't ready  
  
"No." He spoke louder, his voice still cracked. Only a few people could hear. Tony broke eye contact with Peter. Everything was ending but he still needed him. Someone needed to listen. He wasn't ready.  
  
"No!" Peter was now pushing against Vision's arm, trying to get closer but being effectively held back. Tony was slowly being led out of the building. Tears ran down Peter's face, he couldn't do anything but cry and scream. A boy that had the strength of 10 men couldn't do anything but cry for help.  He wasn't ready.  
  
" _NO!_ " Peter screamed, his voice bouncing off all the walls. As he weakly struggled against Vision's restriction. He wasn't _ready_.  
  
This last cry caught Tony's attention. When Tony's eye's met Peter's the boy was immediately silenced.  He looked into Peter's eyes. Tony's stare was broken, it was needy, it was pleading and longing. For one moment, it was everything but empty. This one time...it wasn't empty.  Peter was perfect, the most flawless and pure being that he ever got to experience. He did care about Peter, for one reason...Peter would always be his favorite mistake. He let himself feel everything for just a few moments as he watched his beautiful mistake fade away. He almost cried, until he reminded himself of one thing. Peter would be better.  
  
When Tony had been escorted out of the room, Peter still stared into the distance. That was the last time they would look eye to eye for 4 years. Minutes went by with Peter just standing there, looking at nothing. Vision stood in front of him, waiting for the boy to do something. Peter finally made a move. He collapsed. His knees failed and his eyes shut as he fainted head first into Vision, who caught him gently and carried him to safety. It was over...  
  
  
  
  
                                                                                                  _**~ 4 years later~**_

    
A lot can happen in 4 years. It only took one year for Peter to stop being broken. For him to go to therapy. For him to want to keep living. For him to finally do that thing that people keep calling, "moving on." It only took 2 years for Peter to really become Spiderman again. To reclaim his title as a hero. To take back his confidence and his life, to take control of the thing that helped ruin him. It only took Peter 3 years to realize how wrong Tony was. To see all the ways that he had been hurt and used. To see every moment he had been manipulated into and every choice that he didn't make. Eventually, the time had passed by long enough for the law to forgive Tony’s mistakes. In just a few weeks Tony would be a free man and just once more...Peter wanted to see him.  
  
Peter had his whole life together. But he wanted to see the man that broke him apart. He wanted to look at Tony and show him how he was a different person. He didn't know why he needed this, but he did. Peter went to the prison that Tony had been in for the past years. This was the first and last time Peter had been to visit Tony. In fact, this would be the last time Peter ever saw him in person. As Peter entered the empty visitor's room he felt scared for just one second. He was afraid that he wouldn't be strong enough. What if he fell into those eyes again? What if he couldn't do it? What if he still wasn't ready? He looked at his reflection in the glass that separated him from the other half of the room. He closed his eyes took a few deep breaths, reminding himself that he could never be that person again...Because he was _better_.  
  
The door on the other side of the room opened. And there he was. Tony entered slowly. His expression didn't say one thing or another. Tony knew this wasn't about him. Everything had already been about him. This time, it was about Peter. So he said nothing. He waited for the boy to speak, he restrained any thoughts he had. They both looked at each other. Neither of them felt compelled to say anything for a while. It was better to just stay in silence. After what felt like an eternity Peter finally spoke.  
  
"Tony..." Peter used his first name. The days of being called Mr. Stark were over, that was something Tony immediately noticed. He scanned Peter. He was no longer a boy, yet he still had that fragile and beautiful nature that Tony had noticed the first time they met. His eyes were still as bright as he remembered them. Despite everything that happened, he was still perfect. He opened his mouth to speak again. "I...I just..."  
  
Peter stumbled over his words. He was hoping that as soon as he saw Tony that he would be angry. Angry enough to yell or cry or do something that would help him speak. But none of it came.  
  
"I just wanted...I wanted to know why. Why did everything happen? Why did you do any of this? Why?" Peter's voice was soft and quiet. He held Tony's eyes captive. The older man was finally trapped in his gaze. Peter stared through him, all of Tony was on the table for Peter's eyes to devour. Peter was looking at Tony the same way Tony used to look at him. Peter almost felt sick for allowing himself to briefly understand why Tony enjoyed it.  
  
Tony swallowed the thick tension in his throat. He wouldn't lie to Peter now. It was time for him to be honest. Peter wouldn't be here if he couldn't handle it. So, Tony began,  
  
"Peter...what I was with you...that's what I always have been." Peter looked away, letting Tony's words sink into him. "We're all given a title. Sometimes we're called hero, villain, victim, anything. My point is, I got lost in my title as the hero...and I allowed myself to make mistakes that would ultimately turn me into the worst villain of them all. Because that's who I've always been." Tony paused, but Peter said nothing...so he continued. "This happened...because that's who I am. I'm broken, I'm sick, I'm selfish, and I'm unstable and people trusted me. You trusted me, and I did exactly what I would do...I ruined it. And I can't apologize. I can't say that I'm sorry because I'm fucked up to the point where I can't be. I can't apologize for getting exactly what I wanted."  
  
A tear rolled down Peter's cheek. He wasn't sad, or angry, he didn't know why he was crying. But more tears fell as he listened to Tony talk.  
  
"You were always perfect Peter. You are everything I'm not. I saw everything in you that I could never find in myself." They both looked at each other. Their time was coming to an end. The role they had played for one another was almost complete. Last but not least, it only took Peter 4 years to get closure. He found his closure looking in the eyes of Tony as they both said their last words. "You're going to be the hero Peter...Because you're better."  
  
Peter stared back, the air was cool and light. The silence was peaceful. He simply replied,  
  
"I'm better."  
  
  
  
                    

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It has been an absolute pleasure to experience and write this story alongside all of you! It's been a very interesting journey for me to work with slow burn and character development on a scale that I never have before. The character's of Peter and Tony always had very complex mental states and I hope that I wrote them in a way that portrayed them both as truly human and flawed. I would say that from the beginning this fic had always been about their flaws. It's been about looking into the weaknesses of their canon-characters and magnifying them to create this. That's why the story ends when their flaws do. If there is anything you want to discuss/say in the comments I would absolutely love to hear your feedback about everything! What was your favorite and least favorite part of this fic? How can I improve in the future? Is there anything you would like to see me write with this pairing or another? Again, it's been an absolute pleasure, and thank you!!! <3


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